Trouble This Way Cometh
by alienangel19852003
Summary: Harry and Ron are entering their sixth year, they meet two transfer students from America and their world gets turned upside down. Coco and Oz are a bit different, and Hogwarts doesn't really know what to make of them. Goes by some books others ingored.
1. Arrival of Trouble

**Title**: Trouble This Way Cometh

**Author**: alienangel19852003 with Luny Lovegood from Harry Potter fanfiction dot com

**Summary:** Wherever Coco and Oz go trouble is soon to follow. After their abrupt expulsion from Salem School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in America, they continue their education at Hogwarts. Coming from a very relaxed school atmosphere the girls are without manners and skate (literally) threw life on nothing but daring never fearing consequences. Learning a lot from the likes of Luna Lovegood and Harry Potter and also teaching along the way.

**Disclaimer**: We don't know, we don't own, anything but the original characters we dreamed up. This is in no way meant to be a serious attempt at wonderful heartwarming story so please don't get offended by the occasional character bashing and offbeat themes this story isn't meant to offend anyone it's all in good fun. Flames make us stronger. We find them funny. Just review, we take the good we take the bad we take them both and then we have the facts of life.

"Arrival of trouble"

The giant clock at Kings Cross Station chimed noting that it was 11:30 am. Two young girls sat underneath at first glance the two couldn't be more different one was quite pale and tall rather skinny and had a large blue streak running through her otherwise dark brown hair. The other as black as she was pale with blonde braids, she was short and curvy. The two wouldn't look to even have anything in common at first glance but they were best friends. The white girl dressed in baggy cargo shorts and a shirt proclaiming the Rolling Stones. When the other girl was wearing a tight black tank top and skin tight medium wash denim jeans which showed off her shapely legs tucked into black boots that came to her knees.

The clock chimed again, and the shorter of the two girls grumbled, "I don't even think there is a platform nine and three fourths!" The black girl complained.

"Like chill Coco, seriously. Someone is bound to come along eventually." The pale girl responded sounding very mellow.

"Yeah, right to pick up our skeletons in about ten years. Oz, this place couldn't be emptier. There aren't any Normies around either." Coco complained fiddling with her blonde braids.

"Why do you have to turn everything into a melodramic nightmare? Just sit down someone will be along in a few minutes, the train leaves at noon you know." Oz said ever the calm one in situations like these.

"What about our stuff…" Coco whined.

"You mean your junk? I've got my things," she said stroking the black cat on her lap.

Coco pouted looking over at her three trunks and her two rolling suitcases as she clutched little black terrier and looked down at her friend who rolling back and forth on her skateboard. Oz was sharing the space on the seat with her beautiful snowy owl held captive in a cage. Oz only had messenger bag slung over her shoulder.

"Well, what am I going to do about my junk as you so eloquently put it?" Coco smirked.

"You know they got some buggies over there for you to use." Oz pointed a long bony finger over at some carts.

"How am I going to get this shit on the carts?" Coco wondered.

"Look at the fire crotch brigade." Oz muttered, and Coco turned to see what she was talking about.

There was literal sea of red heads, but one dark haired boy caught Coco's attention.

"Who is that? He cute, you see those glasses."

"Him?" Oz scoffed, "I know you're looking at that geek with the owl."

"I love me some nerds, and you've got plenty of room to talk Miss Smarty Pants. You're taking all six year classes except defense." Coco defended turning back to her friend.

"So what if I take the non-violent approach when it comes to magic. My potions are killer though." Oz said.

"Yeah..." Coco said, she hadn't faired to well in potions.

There was an ungodly screech from the cage as the other snowy owl came into view.

"Opium! You act like you've never seen a woman before!" Oz shouted at the owl who didn't stop screeching as the other owl came closer.

Ron Weasely was in a daze all morning as he listened half heartedly as Hermione Granger yammered on and on. He couldn't wait till he got to Hogwarts, maybe she'd shut up then. The bushy haired witch was excited about her prefect duties. He didn't understand how Harry could listen to the witch drone on and on about classes. His younger sister wasn't paying much attention either she was staring at something or rather two someone's in the distance.

Fred and George offered no reprieve from Hermione's constant chatter, they were talking about their new pranks for the start of term. He wished he could be in on that conversation, but they didn't trust him he was a prefect like Hermione. But he was more lax on the rules.

"Look at those weirdoes." Ginny pointed out.

"You don't reckon they are going to Hogwarts." Ron asked hopefully, glad any conversation that wasn't about classes and duties of the year to come.

"They've got an owl they must be." Harry said as his own owl joined theirs in screeching song.

"They look like a circus." Ginny said as they drew nearer to the girls in question.

The short black girl turned with a smirk, "You wouldn't be magical folk would ya?"

"Yes, are you two going to be attending Hogwarts?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah," the brunette sharing a skateboard with a caged owl that was almost identical to Harry's responded the owl had not stopped screeching.

"I'm Clarissa Collins, please call me Coco, and that is Oz." Clarissa, Coco said.

"I'm Hermione Granger, these are my friends, Ronald, Fred, George, and Ginny Weasely, and this is Harry Potter.

"Ooh, damn Harry Potter. I knew you was famous, I didn't know you was fine." Coco said.

A blush crept into the cheeks of The Boy Who Lived.

"And damn it all if he ain't humble." Oz said, "You might have a tough time with this one."

"Well, at any rate it's nice meeting you all. But we have a train to catch." Hermione didn't ignore the way Ron and Harry were staring at the two girls.

Ginny rolled her eyes and tossed her hair and pushed her cart along on behind Hermione as she went through the barrier to the platform nine and three fourths.

"So that's where it is!" Oz said.

"We were practically on top of it." Coco said wiggling her shoulders.

Ron blushed with Harry this time.

"American girls at Hogwarts–" Fred began.

"–makes for an interesting year I'd say." George concluded, following his sister through the barrier.

Fred shrugged and followed his brother.

"I guess I'm next, catch you on the flip side. Hold that for me playa." Oz said handing her owl to Ron who stared dumbly after her as she skated through the barrier.

"Would one of you strapping young men mind loading my things onto the cart." Coco said pointing to her mass of luggage.

"Bloody hell, you don't pack light do you girl?" Ron asked heaving a trunk up on to the cart, he and Harry had set the owls down a trunk ago.

Harry put the third trunk atop the second and then they threw her suitcases in as well.

"We'd better get going. We've got like five minutes." Harry said.

"I've got prefect duty, that's going to be loads of fun." Ron said rolling his eyes.

"Cheer up mate it'll be over soon." Harry said watching Coco push her cart through, he had a feeling she was putting a little extra swish in her hips for his benefit.

"Don't you try to take both of them, there's one for me and one for you. You'd bloody well better remember that." Ron said.

"Which one you want? Coco has already taken a liking to me, and I think you've got a think for Oz. What do you think of her?" Harry asked walking through the barrier.

"I don't know." Ron collected Oz's owl and walking through dragging his cart behind him.

"Well, you'd better find out…" Harry said as they stepped out and saw Draco Malfoy helping a very disgruntled Oz onto the train.

"I can do it myself!" she was shouting.

"Malferret is trying to beat you to the punch, luckily she seems smart enough not to be interested." Harry said.

"And what in the hell kind of name is Oz anyway?" Ron asked.

"I don't know, it's probably some crazy American name." Harry scoffed thinking of Coco, it rolled off the tongue so easily he could think of a few other things the American girl possessed that might roll of the tongue as well.

There was a line in front of the train and when they finally boarded Ron was whisked off by Hermione to sit in the prefect's compartment up front, Harry wandered to the back by passing the compartment in which Ginny sat with Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnegan, Luna Lovegood, and Dean Thomas. He preferred the usual compartment in the back he frequented with the other two thirds of the Trio.

However he found another duo inside, Coca and Oz. He pushed open the door and let out a cloud of smoke, Oz was seated with her feet resting on her skateboard on the opposite bench her cat at her feet with a strange pipe up to her mouth. Coca was beside her curled up in front of a portable computer looking at him with a shocked expression.

"Don't stare close the door!" Oz coughed more smoke expelling from her lungs.

"Have a seat, we'd like to not get repoed before the year even begins." Coco explained.

Harry coughed, he'd never been able to stand the smoke from his uncle Vernon's pipe. This smoke was different, stronger, pungent and it made his lungs burn. It also made him giddy in the mellowest of ways.

"Repoed?" he asked.

"Put out." Oz said passing the pipe to Coco.

"Oh, what is that?" he said taking a seat on the vacant bench across from the girls as far away from the hissing black cat as he could.

"The finest of herb, my man. Want some?" Oz said.

"Uh…" he said watching Coco take a hit from the pipe.

"It's fun." Coco laughed coughing a bit letting more smoke fill the compartment.

"I guess I'll try it." Harry conceded taking the pipe she offered.

"You just want your lips next to mine, it's okay but I can think of much more fun ways to make that happen." Coco said right as he was taking a hit from the pipe.

Once Harry settled down from the coughing fit that ensued he wasn't sure if it was from the smoke or because of her comment they all took turns with the pipe and talking about the girls arrival in England.

The cat was still hissing at him but he now found amusing as they were all laughing and Harry really didn't know why. He hadn't really laughed since the death of his godfather Sirius Black.

"Cracker!" Oz shouted at the cat who merely glared at her, "Don't make me bust you in the head with my good pipe."

"The cat's name is Cracker? Like those salty biscuits?" Harry asked laughing.

"No, like a white person." Oz said as seriously as she could muster.

Coco giggled in the corner, "After all these years that shit is still funny. You wanna meet my puppy?"

"Yes, what an adorable doggy." Harry said looking down at the dog who'd moved up on to the girl's lap.

She held him up a bit the dog looked nearly suffocated as she held him tight to her more than ample bosom. Harry didn't know if he should be staring at the dog or the girl's cleavage, either way no one complained.

"His name is Hasslehoff." Coco said.

Harry raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Like the Baywatch dude." Oz explained.

"I know what Baywatch is my uncle watched it every afternoon for the better part of five years. He was obsessed with Pamela Anderson." Harry said.

"That's funny dude." Oz had put away her pipe and was scratching away with quill and parchment, the baggie of weed lay half empty and partly open beside her.

Halfway through the ride there was knock at the door, it was the lady with the snack trolley.

Oz panicked, and threw the baggie at Coco. Who threw the baggie into Harry's lap.

"From my hood to yours." Coco said.

Harry panicked and stuffed the baggie into his pants, as he didn't think to put it in his pants pocket just as the old witch pushed open the door. Coco was frantically spraying out some no doubt expensive perfume.

"Anything from the trolley dears?" she asked.

Coco set the dog and the computer down on the seat between herself and a still lazing Oz and launched herself at the doorway.

"I want a Milky Way. Three Snickers, bag of Doritos Nacho Cheese not that Cool Ranch shit. Two Reese's Cups, a Payday, and another bag of Doritos some jelly beans, a Dr. Pepper and Sprite,"Coco told the witch, "What you want Harry, I got this…"

"I'm sorry Dearie we don't have any of that…and I thought Milky Way was our galaxy." The old witch said.

"What you got then?" Coco said rolling her neck.

The witch explained patiently before being interrupted.

"Just give me one of everything, and what you got to drank?" Coco interrupted rudely.

"Pumpkin juice." The old witch said.

"We'll take three. And give me a bottled water for my dog."

"That'll be five galleons, thirteen sickles, and five knuts."

Coco smiled and pulled out her blue American Express card, "Bam! Charge it!"

"I'm sorry we don't take…what is that? I need galleons sickles and knuts."

"You're nuts." Coco said.

"She wants cash I guess." Oz said pulling a bunch of wrinkled money out of her pocket handfuls at a time dropping it on the seat.

It was American currency, Harry laughed and took care of it while they were figuring out what witch said they owed. He closed the doors taking the extreme amount of treats.

"It's alright ladies I took care of it." He said.

"Good, I thought we might have to be washing dishes or something." Oz said.

"I don't do dishes, fresh manicure, hello." Coco brandished her perfect manicure.

Harry laughed.

"Anyway, I thought American Express was everywhere you want to be…I'm outrageous." Coco said.

"You mean outraged?" Oz asked.

"No, I'm outrageous, like Britney Spears back when she was good." Coca said striking a pose.

"When was that?" Oz questioned.

"I like her music." Harry said.

Oz just shook her head, "You need to listen to some ICP that'll get you right. That teenybopper parade has got both of you all off track. If I prayed I'd pray for ya."

Oz had gone back to her writing when the door opened again this time it was Ron and Hermione. Ron looked like he'd run a marathon.

"Hi dudes. What's cracking?" Coco said perkily as she rose to sit beside Harry.

Ron shook his head, "That was two of the most mind numbing hours of my life."

"It was four hours long Ron." Hermione said sitting on Harry's other side, earning her a glare from Coco.

"I fell asleep like two hours ago, you didn't notice?" Ron said moving to sit next to Oz not noticing the cat there he did notice when the cat hissed and swiped at him.

"I would have woke you up." Hermione said.

"Will you call that ruddy beast off so I can sit?" Ron asked.

"If you tell me what ruddy means." Oz smiled.

"Alright. Later okay." Ron rather liked the promise of having later with Oz.

"Cracker, chill." She told the cat who indignantly jumped off the bench onto the floor to curl up at the girl's feet.

"I'm glad we put all our junk away or else there would hardly be room for everyone." Coco said.

"There you are talking about _our_ junk, all _my _stuffs shrunk and in this bag." Oz pointed out.

"Whatever." Coco said.

"What's all this?" Ron asked picking up all the currency that was still laying on the bench.

"You forgot that didn't you?" Coco asked.

"Oh, that's dolla dolla bills." Oz said.

"You're Queen is rather mannish." Ron said inspecting the bills.

"That's G.W. A true playa." Coco said.

"He was the first president of the United States, Ronald." Hermione said dryly.

"You can learn that in any first grade class all across America. Thanks for taking us back Hermione." Oz said dryly.

"Hermaphrodite." Coco faux sneezed.

"Bless you." Hermione said cheerily, only Oz got the joke.

For a few minutes the compartment was silent except the scratching of quill on parchment, Coco had some how managed to get her fingers entangled with Harry's as they sat there neither speaking only Coco dared to glance at him he was much to shy. Hermione was looking over a text book Ron was gazing at Oz.

"I don't mean to be rude but what is that awful smell?" Hermione asked wrinkling her nose at Oz.

"Don't look at me like that I don't stink. And that's cat food by the way." Oz said.

"I own a cat and I've never smelled food like that." Hermione said.

"It's a special herbal blend I suppose." Harry said.

"You're catching on already." Coco said, before the three who'd been smoking in the compartment earlier started laughing.

"What's so bloody funny?" Ron demanded.

"We had little fun while you two were defecting. And what in the hell is defect?" Coco asked.

"It's a _prefect_, and just wait till you get sorted so I can figure which house you'll be in so I can take points from you. Prefects enforce rules, and you two seem like the sort to break them. For the sake of the House Cup I really hope you aren't in Gryffindor." Hermione sassed.

"Oh no she didn't." Coco said.

"Yes, she did. Are you going to let her talk to you like that?" Oz asked.

"That wasn't very nice Hermione." Both Ron and Harry chided before Coco could respond.

"You'd better be changing into your robes, I expect we'll arrive shortly. You do have robes don't you?" Hermione asked.

Coco shot out of her seat, before rummaging through a small overnight bag. And pulling out a perfectly pressed uniform and some robes before she began to lift her tank top over her head.

Ron sat gaping like a fish stuck landside. Harry flushed scarlet and watched her pull it off over head out of the corner of his eye. Once she'd successfully pulled off the shirt she began to unzip her pants.

"I have never seen a more vulgar display in this compartment in the six years I've ridden it, you do know we have a loo for that?" Hermione said.

Coco made a point to ignore the bushy haired girl for a moment, "Aren't you going to change Oz?"

Oz shrugged and pulled a wrinkled robe out of her bag and pulled it over the clothes she was wearing, "They'll never suspect a thing."

"Oh okay," Coco said before finally addressing a livid Hermione.

Coco looked anything but imposing standing what Harry could guess was five feet and two inches, and clad in just a red lace brassiere a half unbuttoned pair of jeans with her hand on her hip but her tone of voice however was sickly sweet.

"What in the hell is a loo? And why do I have to go in there, are you afraid that Harry is actually going to notice a girl with actual breasts?"

Hermione gaped, and turned redder than Ron's hair.

"The loo would be the bathroom, and remember what I told you about mixed company?" Oz said.

Coco looked confused for a moment before responding sheepishly, "Yeah, you said don't make fun of the snotty nosed mixed kids 'cause I might have a little half white baby myself one day."

"No, remember about boys and girls, and how we're different." Oz said.

"Yeah, those differences are fun." Coco said enthusiastically.

"Coco! You're smarter than you look, you know what I'm saying." Oz said.

"Oh alright, okay then Hermione you need to go." Coco said.

"Excuse me?" Hermione asked with a confused look on her face.

"She said I don't need to change with boys in the room. So if they gotta go you gotta go too." Coco said with attitude.

"Humph." Hermione said stomping from the room.

Harry pushed Ron out behind her, "Mate, you act like you've never seen a bra before."

"Not with the boob meat in it." Ron said.

"We'll see you in a few," Harry said casting a last glance at Coco, this time he was looking at her face.

By the time Coco finished brushing her hair and dressing the train was slowing, Harry and Ron reentered clad in uniforms and robes.

"Where's Hermione?" Coco asked, "I thought we were getting along wonderfully."

"She's with Ginny and the others, we've arrived at Hogsmeade Station. We've just got word you two get ride in the boats." Ron said looking expectantly.

"Yay. Boat ride! I like boats, Daddy has a yacht. Remember when we stole it in ninth grade?" Coco asked Oz.

"We can't talk about that the statue of limitations is not up on that crime." Oz said.

"Riight." Coco responded as they exited the train.

"The only problem with the boat ride, is that you'll ride with the first years." Ron said.

"Ugh freshmen." Coco said.

"This is where we leave you." Harry said ushering the girls over to a line of kids that couldn't have been more than twelve.

"Bye, Sexy, I'm going to see you later." Coco called after Harry earning him some catcalls from the twins as he and Ron followed the older red heads to the carriages.

"These aren't freshmen, these are the beginners, and we're stuck with the toddlers." Oz said surveying the children the large man had told them to line up.

"Nothing more than babies I say." Coco said.

"We were that young when we started." Oz said.

"Please, I was already a c cup." Coco said looking at the tiny boats.

"Oh my stuff it'll sink those little dingies, I thought we'd be on a yacht." Coco whined.

"Suck it up queenie." Oz said.

"Alright, my name is Rubeus Hagrid and I'm groundskeeper here at Hogwarts. I teach Care Of Magical Creatures. Don't worry about your things they'll be brought up for you."

"If he's not going to shower and shave, I won't be taking that class." Coco said.

"He might be a bit different, but all in all he seems like a solid dude." Oz said.

"Rock solid. He real tall." Coco said not paying attention to the speech the giant man was giving.

"I know and you're an elf would ya pay attention. He's talking to us. He's saying we get our own boat. They go four to a boat and we get our own, which would be really sweet if I had my weed." Oz complained.

"Is he saying we're like fat or something?" Coco asked stepping into the boat careful not to trip in her three inch heels.

"But you gave my bag to that that little boy." Oz continued to complain ignoring Coco.

"Don't you have more, you're always holding like Holden Caulfield." Coco said.

"Not on me, and since you gave up my goodies you know what I'm left with…an empty pipe." Oz said, "And this is the perfect way to christen our first ride to Hogwarts with a couple of good tokes while no ones looking."

"But now I'm going to have to smoke some resin!" Oz said pulling out her pipe.

Coco made the talky symbol with her hand and rolled her eyes and stared out into the black lake, it was peaceful under the stars. The sun had set hours ago.

"We've been on that train for like ever…it feels good to be outside." Coco said.

When Oz didn't respond she noticed the girl reverently trying to scrape more smokeables.

"Keep going with your boring narrative." Oz said.

"It'd be cool to do it with Harry on a boat like this." Coco said, "I wish he could ride with us."

"Gross, and I'd be stuck here while you're riding him two feet away, but at least I'll have actual weed to help me cope through the traumatizing situation." Oz said.

"Would you let it go?" Coco said.

"Why? You just gave away the finest weed money can buy to that little skinny British kid. Cause he's got the messy black hair and the piercing green eyes, and you keep thinking with your vajj! And gave away all my weed." Oz said stamping her feet and throwing her pipe on the seat beside her.

"Whatever, it's not like you bought it anyways," Coco said as the boats came to a stop on the other side of the lake.

Standing, they both exited the boat following the first years up the slope to the school. The two talked amongst themselves as Hagrid led them up to the school. The school was beautiful and a lot less modern than Salem had been, there were no holograms that talked there nor was there a moving escalator in sight.

"How do you expect me to walk up those stairs in these shoes?" Coco said.

"That's blasphemy 'cause I'm lazy too." Oz said.

"This place is really old, and I don't think it has electricity, I pray it has running water, I know a charm that'll keep my laptop functioning, but that means I lugged around the adaptor for nothing." Coco said.

"Cry me a river," Oz said leaning against the wall as they were told to stop by an older woman who introduced herself as Professor Minerva McGonagall.

"Does anyone have any questions?" The Professor asked.

"Yeah, why we out here with the babies Minerva?" Coco asked raising a hand.

"Firstly, you will address me as Professor McGonagall. Secondly, do away the attitude, though the two of you are in your fifth year you still must be sorted into houses."

"What if I like Minerva better, it makes me feel we have closeness…a bond." Oz stopped to tap her chest with her fist, "You're in my heart, and you are now one of my road dogs."

There were lots of murmurs from the first years, and Minerva gaped at them, Coco was laughing.

"You _**will**_ call me Professor McGonagall and I am _**not **_your road dog whatever that means." The woman said sternly her lips thinning.

"Why do we have to be sorted, we're people we don't need to put into neat little squares so you can file us away like paperwork or something. We didn't have houses at Salem the administers felt it was limiting us to simply one kind of thinking, dividing us from our class mates, stopping us from forming friendships with others." Oz said.

"Be that as it may you are no longer at Salem, need I remind you why you're not attending there this semester. Now please follow me into the hall to be sorted into your houses." Professor McGonagall said leading them into the hallway her robes sweeping behind her.

Coco saw Harry Potter leaning against a wall looking bored with the whole thing. Coco decided not to follow the other first years but instead she slinked over to Harry and with a big smile she slid hand down his chest opening his robes and sliding a hand down into his uniform pants and pulling out the baggie, and quickly passing it to Oz who was a step behind her.

Whispers broke out in the Great Hall, Coco didn't realize this because she was gazing into Harry's green eyes.

"I'm just getting back what was mine maybe next time I can play with what you've already got there." Coco said deliberately patting his chest.

"Take your seat Mr. Potter." Minerva boomed.

Minerva McGonagall was on the scene quick fast and in a hurry, she strode over and took both girls by the ear and led them over to a stool with an old conical hat on it.

"You'll be sorted first so I can figure out which houses to take points from." The woman hissed.

"Ow, dude. You're harshing my mellow." Oz said.

"Collins, Clarissa." Minerva said picking up the hat, pushing the chocolate skinned girl on to the stool and placed the hat on her head.

"Well, you've got a ready mind but it seems you don't have the time. Ravenclaw wouldn't be a good fit. You've got some nerve, you're about as bold as any witch I've seen but I don't think Gryffindor would be your thing. You're loyal to a fault, but you would get into so much trouble in Hufflepuff. You've got style and cunning I know just the place for you," The hat purred in her ears while she blinked confusedly up at it before it shouted, "SLYTHERIN!"

"What is a Slytherin?" Coco asked Minerva as she pushed towards the now booming Slytherin table.

"Ozwald, Bailey. Sit child," Minerva said pushing Oz down on the stool slamming the hat that she'd abruptly snatched off of Coco's head onto Oz's.

"Call me, Oz, if you please." Oz told the woman.

"You've got a ready mind and you're willing to spend the time, Ravenclaw is your best bet. For in Slytherin those you'll have to outwit will curse you to the root. Gryffindor wouldn't be best to put your courage to the test. In Hufflepuff things might get a bit boring, and you'll feel the need to shake things up. Ravenclaw it is."

"RAVENCLAW!" it shouted.

"What does this mean?" Oz asked as she was shoved violently off the stool and towards a table of bronze and blue by Minerva.

Taking her seat at the table Oz looked over to see a very pale very blonde girl with a mystic sort of look in her eyes. The pale girl was being teased by an overly made up Asian girl who was saying something about "Loony Lovegood" The blonde girl didn't seem to even know that she was being teased.

"Hello there I'm Luna Lovegood and you must be Bailey my new roommate Professor Dumbledore already told me all about you" said the girl seated next to her

"Ok I'll let you off with a warning this time since we have to live together and all but my mother doesn't even call me Bailey, please call me Oz." Oz said before she stood and walk over to the Slytherin taking a seat next to Coco completely ignoring the fact that Luna was following her or the stares that they were getting for leaving their table. But no one said anything not even Minerva.

Coca scooted down making room for the two Ravenclaws at the table, "Girl, don't even worry about that old funky hat, it stank anyway. We're still going to be girls despite this situation."

"I know, but it's going to be weird not being roomies and plus, as you can see I've developed a friend. Coco this is Luna. Loony this is Coco. No disrespect Luna but I'm going to have to call you Loony from now on. If you wanna roll deep you're going to need a nickname." Oz explained.

Luna smiled, "Alright…"

"She doesn't say much apparently," Coco said.

"Loony Luna at the Slytherin table I never thought I'd see the day!" a black boy with long dreads proclaimed from across the table.

"And just who the hell are you?" Coco asked.

"I'm Blaise Zabini. And you are Clarissa Collins according to Professor McGonagall. She really doesn't like you two." The boy smiled a dimple coming through as he did so.

"Fuck off Zabini." Coco said, "Minerva needs to get some dick in her life and leave us the hell alone for once."

"I'm going to get that old bitch high." Oz said, "Then she'll just look a hundred instead of like three fifty."

A blonde boy made his way from a few giggling girls at the end of the table stopping when he reached the odd trio at the Slytherin table.

"Move Loony!" the boy said his blonde hair falling into his pointed face.

"Don't you come around here disrespecting my friends Malfoy, or I'm going to kick your pale ass back to the end of the table." Oz said.

"Is that the pot calling the kettle white?" Coco said with a smirk.

Luna looked up with hazy eyes and said, "I've never heard it put that way before."

Malfoy bristled and walked over and sat beside Blaise.

"So do you ladies party?" Blaise asked.

"I done told you black bastard you need to shut up." Coco said.

During the meal and the next five speeches the two Slytherin boys tried to make conversation and were easily rebuffed mostly.

"Are you saying you're not even interested in conversation? One would think being new here you might want to make friends with the right sort of people. And if you haven't noticed, I run things around here. So Bailey I would appreciate if I am treated with a bit more respect from now on. After all we're practically betrothed already." Draco said.

"Blonde bitch boy say what?" Coco asked.

"Listen Draco is it? They call me Oz, nobody, I mean nobody calls me Bailey." Oz said leaning over table menacingly, "Secondly, I don't see you running shit and third what the fuck?"

"Feisty, I like that in a woman. You get tired to girls that lie down and take it like Pansy over there." Draco said in his long slow aristocratic drawl.

"Listen boy, what do you mean by betrothed." Oz said turning paler if that was possible.

"My father is owling your parents to set up some kind of arrangement between our families it would be lovely European pureblood and American pureblood. Think of the children." Draco said.

"I don't even want to think about those transparent ass kids you can see the veins pumping blood inside them." Coco muttered, earning herself glare from Oz.

"How do you know I'm pureblood and why do you think my parents would force me to marry the likes of you?" Oz asked.

"My father is governor of the school you see, he knows everyone that goes here and their heritage. Just why pray tell would you not want to marry me?" Draco said.

"Whatever playa, you ain't gonna be getting none here, I don't roll like that." Oz said.

"A challenge I like that." Draco said.

"Ooh, I think he's feeling you girl." Coco said as if Draco weren't sitting beside them.

"I think I'll go for that little red haired boy, Ron." Oz said, "Draco is an asshole."

"He cute too, but I got my eye on Harry Potter." Coco said.

"Why are we still sitting here then let's go over?" Oz asked, "Wanna come Luna?"

"Alright I have a friend in Gryffindor I'll introduce you." The pale blonde said her eyes coming a little more focused.

"Okay let's go post up on top of these little white boys." Coco said.

"But I'm a little white boy…" Draco protested as the two girls made their way over to the Gryffindor table.

"What about some love to your race Coco? What about some pussy for Zabini!" Blaise shouted.

There were quite a few catcalls a few shocked expressions but the shock only continued as the girls made their way over to the Gryffindor table. Hermione had just gone with Ginny to the restroom and there were three vacant seats near Ron and Harry. There was a black haired boy at the end of the table that everyone was giving awkward looks to there was a seat between the boy and Ron Weasley, next to Ron was another empty seat Oz claimed that seat, beside her was Harry Potter.

Coco wasn't playing she took a seat on Harry's lap earning herself a gasp from the awkward looking bucktoothed boy beside him.

"I told you I'd see you later sugar." Coco said.

Harry smiled and tried not blush, he was terribly nervous about having a girl in his lap he had no idea what to do with his hands, and what if he got an untimely erection? What would the straightforward American girl think of him then?

Luna took the vacant seat across from Ron, next to a boy who looked at her as if she were the devil herself.

"Hello Dean." Luna waved at him ignoring his questioning stare completely.

"Peep this, I know that you are the only kids in school that will tell me what's really hood around here. That little blonde asshole over there is trying to marry me. Minerva done lost her damn mind." Oz began to explain to Ron who looked at her shocked it as was lot information to process, "And she stuffed my weed down his pants."

"It wasn't like he didn't have no draws on or nothing." Coco said.

"It still has ball sweat on it. I don't know if I want to smoke this." Oz said.

"When have you turned down weed no matter the condition of it?" Coco asked seeing Oz was already taking her pipe out.

"Is that cannabis?" Ron asked.

"Yes, have you met Mary Jane before she's my main thang?" Oz said.

"We've been trying for weeks to get more of that stuff!" the older Weasley boys exclaimed from down the table.

"We'll I know some good suppliers they are my folks. You smoke out?" Oz asked.

"Whenever we get the chance. It gets you high something wicked." The twins explained.

"We've done it once or twice. My mom keeps some around incase she gets pregnant again." Ron explained, "We usually make a potion with it to cure nausea."

"It's usually used for coping with nausea and loss of appetite why would you smoke it though?" the bucktooth boy asked.

"That's Neville Longbottom, he's a herb head and not the kind you guys are." Harry explained.

"You're becoming quite fond of the subject yourself Mr. Potter." Coco said.

"Look what you did you've gone and made that little boy blush…" Oz said.

"I'm going to do a lot more than just make him blush." Coco said grinding on him like a stripper.

"Coco…I…don't… think… that… is…such…a… good… idea…" Harry said holding his breath between each word as he tried to stave off an erection.

"It's okay if you like it, you don't have to be shy, I don't bite unless you ask." Coco said.

Oz looked at Ron shrugging, "Can you believe this girl."

Ron blushed, he wondered if the other American girl was so forward.

"Excuse me, I believe your sitting in my seat." A clipped female voice came from behind Oz.

Oz smirked, "You snooze you lose playa, and I mean that."

"You're in Ravenclaw! What can't you sit at your own damn table?" Ginny Ron's sister shouted from behind them.

With an effortless move Coco slid into another position on Harry's lap so she could glare at the two Gryffindor girls, "I can't see how is that any of your business…"

"You are taking up our seats at our house table, you are using my friend as if he's some kind of chair, and you look like a slut." Hermione huffed.

"You're to scared to make a move on Ron and you can't stand to see someone else doing what you've been dreaming of doing since you've met him." Harry said, "Coco isn't a slut she's just a bit forward, and I like that."

"Humph…" Hermione said and with a flash of bushy brown hair she was gone Ginny trialing behind her.

"Well that's over back to reality, it's time to load my pipe. Want to help?" Oz asked Ron.

"How am I going to help we always rolled it in cigarillo paper." He explained.

"I can teach you a lot of things." Oz said with a wink as she whipped her pipe out of her robes, the curious Gryffindors and the misty eyed Ravenclaw crowed around to watch her.

Harry and Coco had other things on her mind she was playing in his messy dark locks and he was playing with her blonde braids.

"Do you like me as blonde because I can take these out?" Coco asked.

"I think you look smashing as a blonde." Harry said.

"Is there a chair shortage? Everyone is huddled in one spot or taken up residence on someone's lap gyrating." McGonagall's voice cut through the din, "Ms. Collins get off the boy this instant." Minerva stated firmly.

"Sup Minerva. H–how you feeling? W–what you seen when you come over here?" Oz asked having already palmed her pipe.

Minerva ignored her, "I'm taking thirty five points from Slytherin. Another twenty five from Gryffindor and ten from Ravenclaw for not sitting with your houses and allowing yourselves to be part of this ruckus." Minerva said, "Ms. Lovegood I expected more from you."

"Now for the punishment, all of you would be serving detention with our new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Mr. Fuller."

A tall wondrously attractive man stepped from behind Minerva and both Oz and Coco started squealing.

"OH MY GOD!" Coco shouted.

"I don't believe it!" Oz said.

"Are you Drew Fuller? Like the Drew Fuller, Witchlighter Season Six Charmed?" Coco asked.

"One in the same. Not only did I play a witch on TV but I'm a Wizard in real life. I graduated from your former school Salem." Drew said with a smile.

"We're like your biggest fans we both have the box sets from that season, and I don't even own a DVD player." Oz said.

"You know him?" Harry asked.

"We don't know him but we seen him on TV. All twenty three glorious episodes of him…" Coco gushed looking dazed.

"He's an actor?" Harry asked, "And a Wizard."

"It's not uncommon back home to have a day job in the Normal world and be a Wizard as well." Drew shrugged, "I wanted to do something fulfilling instead of preen in front a camera."

There were camera flashes and the sound of a shutter clicking, and Drew struck a pose with a slightly miffed Minerva.

"Not again." Ron moaned placing his head in his hands.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Do you fancy this bloke?" he asked Coco.

"He's like ten years older than me and now my professor. He's a dream." Coco said.

"Yeah a wet dream." Oz said.

"You can solve your relationship problems on your own time Mr. Potter. But you'll be serving detention tomorrow night with Professor Fuller, you understand."

There was a collective groan from the table.

"You mean we all have detention?" the black haired boy from the end of the table asked.

"Yes, Mr. Thomas I expect you to be there. All of you, right Weasleys?" Minerva asked.

"Yes, Professor McGonagall." All three boys chorused.

"Peep game Minerva, um I got some things to do tomorrow so could we post pone this little detention? My momma and them are coming into town via teleportation key tomorrow for our monthly dinner." Coco said.

"Well, your mother will just have to wait and for the last time address me as Professor McGonagall." The woman sneered at them above her glasses. "You will all return to your common rooms at this time, dinner for you all is over." With that the professors were both gone with a swish of robes from Minerva and the sound of Drew's expensive shoes clicking on the floor.

"Guess we'd better get going. I can't have another detention. We've got plans Sunday." Fred said.

"Big plans." George added with a wink as they walked away.

"Well thank you Little Miss Run and Tell, you've got us all detentions are you happy?" Ron demanded of Hermione who was actually smirking.

"Yes, I am," she said flouncing over to the other end of the table.

Neville got up, and walked away with his head down.

"Neville. Don't be angry with us, we didn't mean to get you in trouble." Harry offered as Coco vacated his lap.

"It's no bother, it might be fun eh?" Neville said with a wink before walking away.

"I figure it'll be big fun, Professor Fuller seems really cool." The dark haired boy identified as Mr. Thomas followed Neville.

"Later Dean."

"Well, we're off. Follow me Oz. I'll show you to the Ravenclaw dormitory." Luna said her eyes now focused as she took Oz's hand and began prancing away with the reluctant skater girl.

"Help!" Oz whispered pleadingly at Ron who shrugged with a smirk.

"I guess someone's got a new girlfriend." Ron winked.

"You can't be serious." Oz said.

"I'm only joking, I thought you were known for your American style humor." Ron asked.

"Good cause I'd punch you for that." Oz said as she was lead out of the room.

"Look I'm supposed to go to this Slytherin dorm thingy and I don't know where it is. Could you take me?" Coco asked Harry with a pout.

"Alright." Harry said, "Ron I'll meet you a bit later in the common room okay."

"Okay mate, be sure to take the long way." Ron winked as the final three parted ways.


	2. She's a Lady

**Title**: Trouble This Way Cometh

**Author**: alienangel19852003 with Luny Lovegood from Harry Potter Wherever Coco and Oz go trouble is soon to follow. After their abrupt expulsion from Salem School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in America, they continue their education at Hogwarts. Coming from a very relaxed school atmosphere the girls are without manners and skate (literally) threw life on nothing but daring never fearing consequences. Learning a lot from the likes of Luna Lovegood and Harry Potter and also teaching along the way.

**Disclaimer**: We don't know, we don't own, anything but the original characters we dreamed up. This is in no way meant to be a serious attempt at wonderful heartwarming story so please don't get offended by the occasional character bashing and offbeat themes this story isn't meant to offend anyone it's all in good fun. Flames make us stronger. We find them funny. Just review, we take the good we take the bad we take them both and then we have the facts of life.

"She's a lady and the lady is…Ron's"

Oz was sleeping soundly when the door to her and Luna's dorm room was thrust open and a giggling Coco launched herself onto the bed.

"Wake the fuck up." Coco demanded.

Oz just gave the other girl a shove and she fell backwards through the curtains waking a startled Luna.

"I swear I didn't have any tea!" the misty eyed blonde screamed.

Oz shot up, "Well, you done woke me up talking all loud in the morning can't I get some sleep ever?"

"I'm hungry, lets go down to the café and see what they got to eat." Coco said picking herself up off the floor.

"I could use some coffee to begin the day." Oz got out bed and pulled a blue and grey beanie over her messy hair.

"You can't use that to hide your messy sex hair; did Ron Weasley pay you a visit last night?" Coco asked.

"Funny, We can't all get up at the ass crack of dawn and start primping. And I see you got your do rag on." Oz said.

"I got get this head right before detention." Coco said.

" Coco, may I ask why are you in your skivvies walking about?" Luna asked.

Coco looked down at her pajamas which consisted of a leopard camisole with pink lace edges she wore no bra underneath and matching leopard boy shorts pink lace edges. She completed the look with her black fluffy high heeled bedroom slippers.

Oz stumbled out of bed. She was clad in a long t-shirt that reached down her knees she went and grabbed a pair of toe socks that matched her beanie and roughly pulled them on.

"These are my p.j.'s cute huh?" Coco asked doing a twirl.

"Half your bum is showing do you realize that?" Luna asked getting out of bed.

"Yes, do you want to come eat breakfast?" Coco said taking in Luna's disheveled appearance.

"Why do you wear those pajamas they don't fit anymore, you could enlarge them with a charm you know." Oz said.

"Those jammies are real smedium." Coco said.

"I like them." Luna looked down at her white unicorn pajamas that now looked like a pair of Bermuda shorts and a tight white t-shirt a unicorn immortalized jumping a rainbow.

"Loony is hiding a little body, those boys better watch out." Coco laughed.

Luna blushed and tried to cover up her flat stomach.

"There must be someone around that you like." Oz said slipping her feet into her penguin slippers.

"The way you're always dazing off into space there's got to be some hottie that has captured your attention." Coco said.

"Whatever we can talk on the way, lets get some chow. I needs me some coffee." Oz said.

"Let's go let's go." Coco said

The trio walked through the empty corridors and headed towards to the Great Hall.

Mean while in Ron and Harry's room the boys where busy getting ready for breakfast. Harry had changed clothes five times and Ron out did him by changing his clothes a total of six times. They had managed to wake up Dean and Neville arguing over which outfit looked better. They had almost everything the other boys had at hand thrown at them.

Once they'd exited the room, the disgruntled roommates had gone back to sleep, Harry had actually brushed his wild black hair although once he'd left the room it didn't look like it. Ron thought they'd cleaned up nicely they'd really gone all out to impress the girls.

Ron was wearing a pair of shorts previously owned by one of his taller brothers. It was a pair of low slung shorts that came well past his knees a pair of board shoes he'd gotten from his father and a shirt that was NOT maroon. Harry was wearing a pair of battered jeans and a tight black t-shirt with his best pair of cross trainers. The shirt was borrowed from Dean, and the jeans were hand-me downs just like Ron's the shoes he'd lucked out and bought in Diagon Alley.

They made their way from the Gryffindor tower and into the Great Hall. It was empty on Saturdays as most of the students liked to sleep in, there was only Hermione and Ginny at the Gryffindor table, a few Ravenclaws at their table pouring over text books, a few Hufflepuff chatting at their table and Malfoy and cronies were at the Slytherin table.

Dumbledore and McGonagall were at the high table, Professors Snape and Fuller were surprisingly absent. Ron didn't take his usual seat he put space between himself and Hermione Harry sat beside him.

"Hi guys." Hermione said politely.

"We're not speaking to you." Harry said coldly.

"And if we were we'd tell you what a bitch you were last night." Ron put in already filling his plate with food and his cup with juice.

"What about how you behaved with those American floozies? You were practically all over them or vice versa. You deserved the punishment you got. It's a pity that we got points deducted on the first day." Hermione said.

"I will tell you one time and one time only Hermione. Those girls are NOT floozies or anything of the sort, you're just a prude. You're jealous and uptight. You need to get over yourself and give people a chance." Harry said.

"I won't waste my time talking to the two of you obviously the idea of getting laid has clouded your judgment." Hermione reopened her book.

"Those girls are nothing but trouble." Ginny said, "One day back and they've got you serving detention. Imagine having them here for a whole semester."

"Honestly boys they are just playing with you." Hermione said.

"Hello, hello…from the conversation I've just heard it seems you've missed us." Coco said sweeping over to the table.

The group gaped at her outfit or lack there of.

"I am appalled again by your brazenness. You are NAKED!" Hermione said.

"Quit hating." Coco said taking a seat beside Harry.

"I like the outfit." Harry smirked.

"Stop thinking with your penis," Oz said taking a seat next to Ron and swinging her legs over his.

"Hi Ginny, lovely day isn't it." Luna said.

Ron was blushing brightly, "'Morning."

"Sup, what you got on my coffee." Oz asked with a smirk.

Ron made haste pouring her coffee.

"You're completely pussy whipped!" Hermione exclaimed.

"How can he be pussy whipped, I ain't gave him none yet." Oz said.

"Yet being the key word." Coco said.

"What can I get you ladies to eat?" Harry offered.

"I'll get myself a bagel later." Oz grunted burying her nose in the cup of coffee.

"I'll just have toast." Coco said, "And bacon."

"And pancakes, and sausage." Coco continued and Harry went to filling her plate with everything she requested.

"Porridge?" he asked.

"Yeah, oatmeal is better than no meal." Coco said.

Harry laughed, "And what about you Luna."

"Call me Loony. Oz said that Luna is my slave name." Luna said looking serious as the table dissolved in laughter.

"Oh hell no, not even two days and you've done corrupted that girl. I take it you got her high last night?" Coco asked.

"Nah, I ain't got that far yet. We cranked some tunes. I took out my jam box and we listened to some good shit." Oz said.

"You are pathetic, you know that." Ginny sneered.

"Ginny, you really don't want to go there." Harry said.

"Peep game Ginny Baby." Coco said cocking her head to the side, "I don't play them games, and if you want to throw down we can go outside."

"Could you at least not murder the English language with every sentence at least?" Hermione asked, "It's bad enough I've got to see you just about naked at this hour in the morning."

"You don't have to stay here if you don't feel comfortable, in fact I think you should leave." Harry suggested.

"If you want to chose some trollips over your real friends that's fine with me. Don't come crying when she breaks your heart." Ginny said storming off.

"I agree with her, how could you do this. Harry you know that girl is in love with you." Hermione said.

"I don't see Ginny like that I've told her, there can be nothing more than friendship between us." Harry said.

"I'm glad about that. I don't want to think about you snogging my sister." Ron said.

"Have you ever thought that I wouldn't want to see you snogging her?" Hermione asked pointing a finger at Oz.

"Bloody hell Hermione, what am I supposed to say to that?" Ron asked

"Say nothing Ron like you always do." Hermione said over her shoulder as she walked.

"I didn't know that you and her were together." Oz said as she removed her legs from Ron and swiftly walked to the Slytherin table where Malfoy was sitting watching the Gryffindor table.

"I have decided that if you dropped the aristocratic act I might give you a chance but see you would have to be my bitch." Oz told him.

"No deal, Malfoys do not bow to any woman. No matter how remarkable she may be." Draco said in his slow drawl.

"You're not running shit, admit the truth and I'll give you a chance." Oz said looking up as she heard the sound of Coco's heels on the floor Ron and Harry were walking briskly to keep up with the short girl who walked very fast despite her attire and the heels she wore.

"Oz, I know what you're thinking, but they are not together." Coco said.

"How do you know that?" Ron asked, "You didn't give me a chance to explain before you both ran off. I am not dating Hermione."

"I have many talents Ron." Coco replied with a smirk.

"You promised me no more mind invasions!" Oz said.

"I had to…I had to make sure he wouldn't lie." Coco said.

"What did you do to me?" Ron demanded.

"I'm skilled in penetrating the mind." Coco said.

"What? You went plundering though my mind?" Ron asked.

Harry was laughing, "You actually found something in that empty head of his."

"Don't laugh it ain't funny. I wasn't using it to invade your privacy, I was just looking out for my girl. I want to know if your intentions with her are true. And they are." Coco said with a smile.

"And for my intentions?" Harry asked.

"You're good and noble to the core, but you won't be when I get done with you Harry Potter." Coco smirked.

"What about us? We were having a conversation, before these Gryffindorks showed up." Malfoy drawled.

"Listen, Malferret–" Ron began.

"–Until you sort things out with Hermione we have nothing to discuss." Oz stated firmly to Ron.

"That is some get up…" a boy down the table from Draco said eyeing Coco.

"Don't go looking at her like that Tron…" Harry growled.

"She's one of us. They might want real men instead of some Blood Traitors and Half-breeds like you." Tron said lifting his chin haughtily his brown eyes boring into Harry's green ones.

"I think we can chose who we want to hang out with thank you very much Tron is it?" Coco asked.

"Megalus Tron of the house of Tron." The boy stated arching his shoulders back trying to look imposing but the name was too funny for him to succeed.

"Mega Tron…" Oz chuckled.

"You must get a lot of crap for that…" Coco said as she and Harry laughed as well.

"I thought it was funny when I met him." Harry said.

"What's in a name? I'd deny my father and refuse it for a chance with any one of you girls." Megalus said.

"Semi quoting Shakespeare impressive, but I'm not into English literature." Oz said, "Have you read any Stephen King, some Dean Koontz? Until you do we have nothing to discuss."

"Who?" Ron asked.

"Muggle writers of this century." Harry explained, "I've got a couple of books I can lend you, more of Dudley's hand-me downs."

"I'm going to get right on that, but first I must speak to Hermione." Ron said as he went to go find the bushy haired witch in question.

"My word! Young lady explain to me at once what you are wearing." Minerva swept over them with a swish of robes.

"These are my jammies, you like them I can give you the web site where I ordered them from." Coco said giving a twirl.

"Whoa!" Harry said admiring the back view once more.

"That's nothing more than knickers!" the woman said outdone.

"That's what I said." Luna said she'd been quiet the whole time having crept up behind the other three.

"Loony's got a bod. I like." Draco said.

Luna blushed crossing her hand over her stomach.

"Come along at once Ms. Collins." Minerva yanked her by the ear.

"Ow…watch the bling bling, Minerva…" Coco winced and allowed herself to

"Peace out yo. Can I borrow your board I want to teach Loony how to roll?" Oz asked.

"Sure." Coco shouted.

"Okay, peep game Draco. I'mma check you in a few I'm going to go change I need you to let me into Coco's room. I heard you were one of those Defects or whatever. I know you got them keys." Oz said walking out the Great Hall with Luna in tow.

Minerva shoved Coco into Dumbledore's office after whispering the password and the doors came open.

Coco was released from her death hold, and she looked around the office there was a phoenix in the corner sitting majestically on its post. The room smelled of incense.

"We must talk about your behavior here these past few days." The old wizard had stepped into the room and Coco barely noticed.

"It has been brought to my attention that you refer the professors at Salem by their by their first names. If it makes you feel more comfortable here you may do so." The old wizard walked over to his desk with a swish of his purple robes.

"You cool with that Minerva?" Coco asked.

Minerva's lips thinned and she looked at Dumbledore, "If you wish it so…"

"We require our students to wear proper dress at all times. Take away whatever points you wish Professor assign whatever punishments you like. Go get dressed Miss Collins." Dumbledore said.

"Twenty five points from Slytherin and you'll serve detention from Monday through Friday for the vulgar display you've shown today." Minerva stated, "Go to your room and get dressed immediately."

"See ya later Minerva, thanks Head Massa…" Coco said walking from the room.

Coco was dressed and sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room sitting with Harry and the Weasley twins who were regaling her with tales of their time at Hogwarts.

Ron walked in sometime later red-faced.

"She slapped me." Ron stated sitting down next to Coco.

"You might have deserved it." Harry smiled.

"Did I lead her on? Did I in anyway make it seem I wanted to be anything more than friends with her?" Ron asked.

"She was kind of expecting, we all were. You'd be a decent match." George shrugged.

"But there are plenty of other girls out there, that don't have more hair on their top lip than I do." Ron said.

"She's going to have to wax that shit." Coco said, "I'm going to do it for her. She can't be walking around with a mustache."

"She's got her face buried in a book some people would hardly notice." Harry shrugged.

"I wonder what Oz and Luna have gotten up to since breakfast…" Coco said.

"Well, let's find out, I'd like to speak with Oz anyway." Ron said.

"See if you can get us some cannabis will you?" Fred asked.

"I reckon we should be knackered during detention." George smirked.

"If Drew is anything like Lockhart we'll need it." Harry said.

"Drew Baby is real cool though." Coco said.

"Is he?" Ron asked.

"I don't want to talk about him." Harry said.

"Alright, we can talk about something else." Coco said, as they left the common room, "Are you jealous of him?"

"No!" Harry said indignantly his ears turning as red as Ron's hair.

"Lies." Coco said.

"Stop that." Harry said.

"Oz had to learn Occlumency to keep me out. Maybe she'll teach you too but it wouldn't be any fun for me though." Coco said as they made their way outside.

Luna was riding the skate board better than Harry imagined, he remembered when Dudley was learning how to ride, the boy managed to break three skateboards before giving up completely.

Oz was doing some tricks that caused Ron and Harry to gape while Luna was just speeding along grinning madly with her arms stretched out. She gave a quick wave, not noticing the tree and ran smack into it landing hard on the grass.

They rushed over to see if the blonde Ravenclaw was alright to find her laughing hysterically on the ground.

"These things are too much fun you really ought to try riding one." Luna said once her laughter subsided and Harry and Coco had helped her off the ground.

"Sup." Oz said getting off her board and walking over to join them.

"I talked to Hermione." Ron blurted staring at Oz.

"And?" she asked.

"He got the shit slapped out of him." Coco said laughing.

"That can't be good," Luna said.

"Trust me it wasn't but I think we cleared things up and she won't be bothering you anymore." Ron said.

"Like that bushy haired mustache having girl is a problem." Coco said.

"She can get you several detentions and take away a good many house points." Ron pointed out.

"If I get to spend detentions with Harry I'll be fine. And fuck Slytherin. I don't give a damn about no House Cup, I want Gryffindor to win." Coco said.

"I think that might be the best thing that ever happened to Gryffindor. Slytherin won for several years before Harry came along." Ron said.

"Does make it a bit easier for us to win with the two of you losing house points, you wouldn't have any rebellious sisters to be placed in Hufflepuff would you?" Harry joked.

"Oz has a little bro. But he's a goody-goody." Coco said.

"Oh a keener. I've got two brothers like that they never let me live down the flying car incident." Ron said.

"A flying car! That's cool, do you still have it?" Oz asked.

"Sadly, no we lost it in the forbidden forest." Ron said.

"Too bad magic carpets are banned here. My mom has so many of those things." Coco said.

"It's nearly time for dinner." Ron said.

"How do you know?" Oz asked.

"My stomach is telling me it's time to eat." Ron said.

"I hate hearing your stomach talk when I'm trying to sleep at night." Harry said as they made their way back inside and to the Great Hall.

Everyone went to their own house tables because no one wanted anymore detention. Afterwards they met up with all those who'd been sentenced to detention that night. They headed to the DADA classroom, where Minerva and Drew were waiting.

"Sup Minerva." Oz chorused.

Minerva's lips thinned but she didn't say anything.

"Hey Drew Baby…" Coco said with shy wave that made Harry hold tighter to her other hand and scowl at the professor.

"Hello everyone, Miss Collins." Drew said smiling.

"Call me Coco, this here is Oz, Loony, Harry, Ron, and Twin. I don't know these other folks like talking bout." Coco said.

"Sup." Oz said throwing up a peace sign.

"Word." The twins mumbled.

"Now that the introductions are done, I'll leave you to it. I'm glad to see everyone came. Mr. Longbottom tuck in that shirt." Minerva said.

"Y–yes, Professor." Neville said doing what he was told.

"Weasleys," Minerva said walking away.

"Come in don't be shy, I'm not like one of the other boring professors, I'm pretty laid back. I'm not going to have you polishing sliver or scrubbing caldrons or writing lines. I'm going to make you watch a little film. Take a seat one close to the front if you prefer however the back seats are best for maximum sleeping." Drew explained.

"We call dibs," The twins ran for the seats in the back.

"We're going to watch a Muggle movie?" Ron asked.

"It's called Voodoo Academy, I starred in a couple of years back." Drew said.

"Seven years back." Oz tried to cover her words with a cough.

Coco and Harry laughed Ron looked confused.

The professor set up the TV and DVD player, "If you don't feel like watching just chill I don't care I'm going into my private rooms."

Ron, Harry, Coco and Oz moved four of the remaining desks closer together. Neville and Luna watched with rapt interest, Seamus and Dean were playing Exploding Snap in the corner, while Fred and George had already struck up a conversations about their plans for the next night.

In a few moments time Coco had become bored with Ron and Harry's explanation of Wizard's Chess to Oz. Her attention drifted toward the conversation Fred and George were having.

"It's simple a bloody first year could understand it, we'll just sneak out by the westward corridor while Filtch is singing Mrs. Norris her lullaby at half past ten. And then we make our way down to the club and then we can meet those fine witches." George explained.

"What were their names again?" Fred asked.

"What does it matter? Patronus is going to be bloody brilliant." George said.

"I just don't want to call them by the wrong names is all." Fred said.

"There's a club near here? Where is it?" Coco asked loudly which brought everyone except Luna and Neville who were engrossed in the film out of their conversations.

"It's called Patronus, its just opened up and we were going to check it out no reason to alert the Daily Prophet." George said.

"I want to go to the club." Coco whined, "I'm getting junk itch just thinking about it."

"I told you never to say that, it sounds like you have hygiene problems of some kind. Crabs specifically." Oz said.

"I want to go to the club, Harry will you take me?" Coco whined using a sweet voice and her soft brown eyes.

"I would if I knew how to get there." Harry said wondering what the girl would get up to on the dance floor.

"Wanna go?" Oz asked Ron.

"Could be fun." Ron shrugged trying not to seem too eager.

"It's in Hogsmeade Village." Fred explained, "We're going tomorrow I guess you could come with."

"This isn't a field trip, I'm not holding your hands. I'm not your mum." George said.

"You a beast maiyne. I gotta give you props for that one." Coco said.

"Props? What are those and when will I get them?" George asked.

"Chill G-Money it's just an expression." Oz explained.

"Alright, G-Money I like the sound of that." George asked getting a far away look in his eyes.

"How can you tell them apart I've known them for years and I still can't." Harry said.

"They look nothing alike." Oz snorted, "G-Money has a freckle on his nose that looks like Hoboken and F-Baby don't."

"Oh…" Harry said, " Hoboken?"

" New Jersey…didn't you ever take geography?" Oz asked.

"It's in the Garden State." Coco said, "It looks like a dumpster over there."

"Not a nice place to visit?" Ron asked.

"Not in the slightest." Oz said, "But New York is off the chain."

"I like her too." Coco said, referring to a completely different New York.

"So tomorrow night meet us in the westward corridor at half past ten." George said, "If you're not there we'll leave without you. I'm getting laid no matter what."

"Even if it's with a dirty slut…" Coco sang.

"True love is what I want the most…" Oz finished.

"What are you girls on?" Fred asked, "I'd like to have some."

"We can smoke some right now if you want F-Baby." Oz said bringing her pipe up from her massive cargo pocket.

"I got some joints rolled if anybody wanna hit those." Coco offered.

"I've never tried it rolled." Harry said wistfully.

"We'll I'm going to have to take your cherry with everything won't I?" Coco said with a wink.

"I hope so." Harry said.

In no time the room was filled with smoke and it was more than enough to lure even Luna and Neville from the movie, by the time Drew walked back in the room the pipe and the leftover roaches were put away, and they were quite a mellow bunch. Time has passed quickly, and everyone decided Luna was quite funny when she was stoned.

"Times up, I hope you enjoyed tonight's presentation. You can go back to your common rooms now." Drew said.

"Can I walk you to your room?" Harry asked Coco as Luna and Oz skated off down the hall leaving a dizzy Ron in their wake.

"Certainly," Coco said taking his hand and they walked down to the dungeons.

"I really like spending time with you even if it's in detention." Harry said.

"Re–" Coco was cut off by his lips colliding with hers.

She kissed back fervently tangling her hands in his dark hair.

Oz was once more awakened by Coco entering her room humming loudly.

"Shut up. I swear I hit the snooze button." Oz mumbled burying herself under a mountain of covers.

"I don't have a snooze button, too bad. Get up! I've got a lot to do and a little time to do it in. You'd best drag your lazy ass out of bed and get some lunch before I start the arduous process of turning you into a girl." Coco said.

"Crazy bitch say what?" Oz asked, "I am a girl, not the conventional definition of femenity but who is?"

"An intellectual debate stir you?" Coco asked.

"Yes, and coffee." Oz said.

"Both of which I happen to have," Coco brandished a thermos of coffee, "Now get your white ass up."

"I was up all night," Oz grumbled.

"Doing what? Reading one your text books. I ain't got time to hear about your academics what we need to talk about is them Gryffindor mens." Coco said.

"I did a lot of talking with Luna on the subject, it appears she's got a crush on our favorite blonde bitch boy." Oz said.

"Uh uh." Coco said.

"Mmmhmmm. Yes in damn deed." Oz said.

"I guess she's into the pale boys. You like red heads with freckles." Coco said.

"I just want to see if he's got a fire crotch; it's for the interest of science." Oz said.

"Sounds like it's for the interest of your vajj." Coco said.

"I like him." Oz said.

"Really, I didn't notice. I know you like you a bitch boy." Coco said.

"I want someone take care me. I'm a bum dude. He could like hold my books and load my pipe and bring me my dranks." Oz said, "And we could make out from time to time."

"A reward for your cute red head boyfriend." Coco said.

"I don't use the term boyfriend, I use the term bitch remember that." Oz said.

"Harry kissed me." Coco squealed clapping her hands.

"Yay you." Oz said less than cheerful as she nearly drowned herself in coffee.

"I know right." Coco said.

"I smell coffee. And bagels." Luna said rolling over.

"Coffee gone, have at the bagels." Oz tossed her a bagel which she didn't react to catch it simply hit the blonde upside the head and rolled on to the floor.

Luna dived after it dusted it off and ate it, "God made dirt and dirt don't hurt."

"That's just wrong, two days and you've turned her into a blonde you." Coco said.

"I've got that affect on people, I grow on people cause I have the mind control. I'm going to be president boss dawg running shit one day. You feel me knocking." Oz asked.

"Yeah." Coco said.

"Well let me in." Oz said.

"You've had your coffee and your bagel now it's time to do something about them heads, yeah Loony you coming too. I got a maiyne for your girl." Coco said.

"Not Colin Creepy." Luna shuddered.

"No, your dream date." Coco smirked.

"You told her?" Luna asked turning red.

"How are you going to do that?" Oz said.

"You know me I got this shit on lock." Coco said, "We've got a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it.

Coco walk to the door and grabbed her bag dragging it over to where Oz was now standing looking quite disgruntled. Coco ignored the glares she was being given and started pulling her tools out some of them which looked to be some sort of mid-evil torture devices.

"You all need to go take a bath ya'll funky. You smell like weed and farts." Coco said pointing to the bathroom door.

Both Luna and Oz smelled their under arms and shrugged.

"It must be your upper lip" Oz said walking as slow as possible to the bathroom

While the girl where in the shower Coco busied herself with heating up curling irons and pulling out her twelve pounds of make-up in all shades. She had bought make-up for Oz a while back and this was the time to use it. The shit would work for Luna also she was pale as hell too.

Once the girls returned, Coco pounced on them starting with giving them some scented body creams in assorted flavors that Oz had mixed up for her.

"Try these lotions and potions, no man can resist the smell of a clean and sexy woman." Coco said knowingly.

Luna shrugged and applied the proffered cream.

"I know they stank like I made them remember, and I'll take grape." Oz said grumpily, "I'm going to smell like a winery."

"You can have peaches then Luna. I'm going to be wearing a light chocolate glaze like I always do. My mama didn't raise no fool, no man can resist some dark chocolate taste unless he's allergic and then we'll have a problem. But I seen Harry eating a chocolate frog so I know what's up." Coco said.

"Are you done with your boring soliloquy?" Oz asked.

"Now, we're going to do something with you're head. Loony you're cool some ringlets or something will work just fine for you. But Oz take that damn beanie off and show me what you working with." Coco said.

"It's still wet." Oz said pulling the beanie off.

"Yow! And it's nappier than mine when I take my weave out." Coco said.

"It's not nappy it just hasn't been brushed since we were at the airport. When you wanted go see King Charles and them." Oz said.

"I could have been a Queen if we didn't get thrown out. Prince Harry would have gone for me. But I got me another Harry now." Coco smile dreamily.

"So is he a good kisser?" Oz asked.

Coco grabbed a brush and forced Oz to sit much like Minerva had on the sorting stool.

"Hell yeah, he was shy though I had to get him to loosen up first." Coco said.

"Of course." Oz shrugged.

Coco ran the brush through Oz wet tangled brown hair a few times getting stuck only slightly until she hit a mass of tangles in the end breaking the brush completely.

"Oh hell no you broke brushy brush…" Coco said.

"You named your brush?" Luna asked.

"Yeah." Coco said as if it were common place to name beauty supplies.

"Just cast a detangling charm and get it over with, I don't want to be posted up in this room all damn day." Oz said.

Coco cast the charm, "Curls or retro straight."

"You pick." Oz said.

"Straight." Coco said.

"Up or down none of that ponytail shit." Coco said.

"I don't know nothing about being a girl who combs her hair." Oz said.

"Down definitely." Coco said.

"Am I done yet?" Oz asked.

"What am I going to do about that damn streak?" Coco asked.

"Nothing. I like it." Oz said.

"Fine. Now we're on to your make up." Coco said pinning Oz's hair back and laying the foundation for the make up.

"You actually have great skin," Coco said.

"That's cause I don't put toxins into my skin on a daily basis and complain about my pores all day." Oz said.

"What kind of eye shadow you want?" Coco asked.

"What in the hell is eye shadow?" Oz and Luna asked.

"You see this sliver shit over my eyes. That's what that do." Coco said.

"I don't want that sliver shit, give me black." Oz said.

"Close your eyes bitch and quit squirming I'm not going to poke your eye out. Relax and I'll be done in a minute." Coco said.

"Are you done yet?" Oz asked for the fifteenth time during her makeover.

"Now I am. Blot your lips." Coco said.

After finishing with Luna who didn't protest nearly as much Coco's phone chirped and she finally glanced at the time.

"Oh hell no it's eight thirty, I've only got two hours to get you dressed and myself but I ain't got to do much to this masterpiece." Coco said.

"Masterpiece my ass." Oz said.

"No my ass is a masterpiece. When you learn how to make your booty clap you've achieved a level all your own." Coco said.

"Where the clothes at?" Oz asked.

"Do you really think I'm dragging three trunks up from the dungeons we've got to go down there, and I suggest you practice walking in these heels." Coco said.

Luna's practice in the heels with a book on her head had ended in blood and some tears mostly from Coco of her ruined work but a refreshing charm fixed everything.

"Why in the world are all your shoes like two sizes to small?" Oz asked.

"What you talking?" Coco asked.

"I know you wear the same size as me why am I stuffing my foot in a five and half?" Oz asked.

"Men like women with small shoes, not necessarily small feet." Coco explained.

"How can you stand those things on your feet?" Oz asked.

"I put a charm on myself I'll put on you too if you stand still and quit your bitching and moaning." Coco said before casting the charm.

"Now that's more like it," Oz said stumbling down the stairs.

"Quit walking like a dude. I think you're going to scratch your balls at any moment and spit some tobacco out." Coco said.

"It's not that bad." Oz said grumpily.

An hour later they were all dressed, Luna was wearing a skin tight red number with high red peep toe stiletto's her butter beer corks still around her neck much to Coco's distaste her features subtly played up by shiny sliver eye shadow and her lips were a fire engine red like her dress, her blonde hair in tight sexy curls sprawling down her back like a waterfall.

Oz was wearing a black halter dress with hot pink lace at the bottom it was extremely short and she felt rather exposed with out the two sports bras she normally wore to hide her ample bosom. Her eye shadow was smoky and her lips were lined and covered in gloss. Her hair was glossy and perfect not a tangle in sight and it hung down covering her bare shoulders. Her feet clad in pink and black stiletto pumps that made her even taller than she normally was. All in all she's a lady.

Coco was wearing a once piece denim halter dress with a gold belt, gold eyes shadow and matching gold pumps. The dress flared out with ruffles at the top of her thighs. She wore the most ornate gold hoop earrings she could find.

It was nine thirty when they came up from the dungeons and low and behold they run into none other than Hermione and Ginny coming from the library.

"I see you've got Luna working the corner with you tonight." Ginny sneered.

"Call me Loony, Luna is my slave name. I told you once before Ginerva." Luna said.

"Ginerva!" Oz and Coco shouted before dissolving to the floor in laughter.

"Is that really your name?" Coco asked between laughs.

"Yes," Ginny turned extremely red.

"It's better than Coco I'm sure." Hermione said.

"My mama had better since than to name me after a damn cartoon." Coco said, "And she did teach me how to comb my hair you look like a fucking lama."

Hermione gasped, "Where are you really going?"

"Mind your business lady." Coco said walking away briskly and the other girls followed.

"What's this plan involving Draco?" Oz asked.

Coco smirked and pulled a burlap sack and some rope out of her Louis Vutton purse.

"You wrong for that." Oz said.

"I know. But it'll be alright." Coco said, "I'll need to distract him Loony will keep look out and I'll slip this over his head and she'll tie him up. You feel me knocking."

"Yes." Luna responded.

"Cool." Oz shrugged.

"Well open up. He's in the westward corridor anyways. He's got defect duty. Ron's got the night off. Harry told me everything." Coco said.

"Let's go find him then, I want to get my jiggy on." Luna said dancing around a little.

"Don't you ever, EVER say that again Loony. It's wrong. Sick and wrong. In so many ways." Oz said.

Footsteps up ahead signaled another's presence.

"It's Draco I can feel his thoughts. He's a pervert." Coco said.

"That doesn't surprise me. I bet his daddy touches him." Oz said.

"Get his attention and I'm going to creep on the left. Flirt with him." Coco suggested, "Pretend to be a lady for minute."

"I can do that," Oz readjusted her breasts.

"Oh Draco!" she called waving to the figure in the dark.

He turned and Coco dragged Luna out of sight.

Five minutes later the three girls were dragging a bound and gagged Draco Malfoy over to where Ron, Fred, George, and Harry were standing.

"What have you done? That better not be sodding Filtch in there." Ron said.

"Nope it's Loony's date." Coco said, "Will you help us, he's awful heavy and he keeps thrashing around like a pussy."

Fred and George effortlessly toted the bundle that was a protesting Malfoy, while Harry and Ron checked out the girls, they were speechless gaping and redfaced.

All three girls were adjusting their low cut strapless tops on their dresses and the boys were practically salivating.

"Where did you get those?" Ron asked pointing at Oz's chest.

"Never judge a book by it's cover play boy. You never know what somebody is hiding." Oz said.

"I like your shoes." Harry tried and failed to look at anything but Coco's cleavage.

"You can look but wouldn't it be more fun to touch them, but later yo we gotta get going." Coco said.

"You clean up nice to Luna, I mean Loony." Ron said not in the mood for another tongue lashing about slave names.

Ron offered his arm to Oz who looked at Coco for help.

"Girl, remember what I told you." Coco said.

"Fine." Oz said as they stepped outside, Fred and George were halfway down the hill waiting for them.

"It's a chilly night a girl could get cold…" Coco said.

"How about if a guy were to put his arm around the cold girl?" Harry said.

"That'll do." Coco said as he wrapped his arms around her.

"A–are you cold?" Ron asked Oz.

"Yeah, give me your coat playa." Oz said and Ron shed his jacket revealing a white button up shirt which he'd left open revealing a thin line of red hair on his chest.

He slipped it around her shoulders.

"Well, that answers that question." Oz said.

"What question?" Ron asked.

"Nothing I'm still not completely a hundred percent on my answer. I think more research is in order." Oz explained, following behind Harry who Coco had convinced to piggy back her down the hill.

Luna trailed behind looking spacey.

George and Fred unceremoniously dropped the bundle on the ground.

"Who is this guy?" they asked.

"He owns this wand." Luna said producing a very familiar looking wand.

"Malfoy!" Harry shouted scowling.

"Why does he have to come along?" Ron asked.

"We hate that guy." Harry said.

"Draco is here for Loony, mind ya business that girl need some dick in her life too." Coco said.

"Everybody need a little play every now and then." Oz said.

"The feeling is mutual Potter." Malfoy smirked dusting his expensive clothing off.

"You let him out?" Ron asked.

"We got bored." Fred shrugged.

"Are you going to behave since F-Baby and G-Money let your crybaby ass out of that bag?" Coco asked.

"I could tell Snape and McGonagall and get you expelled." Draco said, "But this seems like it could be an interesting evening, I never pictured you Gryffindorks to pull of such a caper."

"You'll come." Luna said hopefully.

"What the hell, I could get some good blackmail material out of this. You'll be cleaning my caldrons for weeks." Malfoy smirked.

"Listen Malferret, no games there will be nothing but a fun night out. We promised these ladies a nice time. And I'm going to see to it that they have it." Ron said.

Malfoy nodded and the group walked the rest of the way to Patronus in silence, you could hear the annoying Muggle techno music a mile away. There was a goblin at the door wearing a leather vest a protruding nipple ring visible.

"Let me see your ID's." it growled.

Harry and Ron shared panicked looks, Coco was calm as ever as she slid eight ID's across the table one for each of them.

"Is that all you need?" she asked.

"Go on in." it said and she slinked past him dragging Harry with her.

Strobe lights blared in his eyes and he felt disoriented for a moment, but apparently Coco knew were she was going. She led him to a booth in a back Fred and George parted ways with the six who went to the table. They left the company of the younger kids for a two leggy blonde twin witches.

Draco took a seat the table, "I can't believe I haven't heard about this place. How did you discover it?"

"Mind your business we're here to drink and dance not to be interrogated." Coco said.

"Okay who's buying the first round?" Coco looked between Harry and Draco.

"I'll go first." Draco sighed, "I'd like to see the lot of you hammered. If only I had a camera like Colon Creepy…"

Luna giggled, " Colon, I like that… he is creepy. He asks me out every week."

"I can see why…" Draco muttered looking at Luna's dressed.

Oz slid into the booth Ron followed suit.

"My feet be hurting." Oz said kicking her shoes off.

"I see you motherfucker I see you." Coco said, "Don't lose them shoes, they Jimmy Choos."

"I won't." Oz said.

"Good…" Coco said.

"Come on Draco we buying some dranks." Coco said dragging the blonde boy from the booth.

"You know I've never drank before." Oz said.

"I'm going to get you and Loony the same thing you'll love it. What about you guys?" Coco asked Ron and Harry.

"Fire Whisky and keep them coming." Ron mumbled.

"Alright." Coco said pulling Draco to the bar.

They returned Draco was carrying the drinks and Coco was sipping her own.

"It's hard to figure out the Wizarding equivalent of a Long Island Iced Tea, but I did it." Coco said grabbing Luna and Oz's drinks off the tray Draco was holding.

"Can I set this down, Malfoy's serve no one." He grumbled.

"Tonight you ain't a Malfoy, you're just D-Murder. Remember that…" Coco said.

"Oddly, I like the nickname." Draco said, "I've always hated Pansy's little pet names for me. But this I like."

Harry bought the next round of drinks as the ones Draco bought were quickly consumed. Oz was halfway finished with her second drink when she pulled Ron out on the floor.

"I want to dance!" she shouted over the music.

Harry and Coco were already on the dance floor grinding to some song with a throbbing beat. Draco was left at the table with Luna. Luna drunkenly stumbled over to Draco.

"I wanna tell you a secret…" she slurred missing the seat by a mile and falling straight over her legs shooting up in the air, giving Draco a flashing view of her pink panties.

He rushed to help up the giggling girl.

"What's that?" he asked equally giddy his father would be so ashamed, Malfoys were known for holding their liquor they weren't known for falling all over giddy Ravenclaws either.

He decided he was not a Malfoy tonight, he was D-Murder, that was simple. While he was doing all that thinking Luna had wound her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. He liked electric sensation of her lips on his warmth spreading right to his groin. He gripped her hips and pulled her closer. He didn't care if she felt her affect on him or not.

On the dance floor Harry and Coco were doing a dance called the Cupid Shuffle. Harry was somewhat a savant at dancing. He picked up easily following her every move, though he much rather preferred the grinding. He was hot sweaty and completely turned on, something he'd never bothered to hide. He'd had about six Fire Whiskeys and was quite hammered by this time.

Ron and Oz were near the wall Oz was dancing against Ron who hadn't picked up on the American style dancing and was just flailing his arms about and rocking with her. He was sure the girl could feel how much he appreciated the night's events but she was too buzzed to care.

Finally a slow song came on and Oz led him out on the floor once more, looping her arms around his neck and he moved awkwardly with her. Harry and Coco were a bit more R rated with their dancing, Coco had her legs wrapped around his waist and he had his hands firmly planted on her booty as they moved to the music.

When the song ended, Coco complained her feet were hurting so the two couples left the dance floor to find Draco and Luna in a rather compromising position. Luna was on his lap biting his neck and he was fondling her bared breasts, Coco sprang into action. Pulling a dazed and protesting Luna off his lap and she and Oz dragged her to the bathroom.

Coco started explaining to a drunken Luna about morals, "You giving up the goods to easily, if we hadn't stopped you. You'd be knocked up before we got home."

"I don't feel so good." Luna said before she lurched all over the sink she was sitting on.

A few cleansing charms later they were dragging an unconscious Luna out of the restroom and coming face to face with their DADA professor who was exiting the men's room with two disgruntled brunette witches behind him.

"Uh oh busted…" Oz muttered as she and Coco tried to steer Luna back into the bathroom.

"Fancy running into you girl's here. You haven't learned your lessons have you?" Drew asked.

"We'll get right on that." Coco said.

"I'm not going to rat you out, I'm heading back to the school. I've got to teach first years bright and early. What a joy." He said sarcastically, "Do you need a lift I trust your little boyfriends are some where around here."

"We'd be glad for a lift I don't think we can carry this drunk bitch up the hill." Oz said.

"I can't walk back up there if I wanted to, which I don't." Coco said.

They collected the sleepy and still drunk boys and the left with the professor. He led them to a carriage parked just outside Hogsmeade station. The ride to the school was uneventful, though Drew kept trying to make conversation and was told to mind his business.

Draco had to carry a still passed out Luna up to her room which he didn't mind, while Coco and Oz walked their boys back to Gryffindor. Harry and Coco were resting against the wall kissing passionately while Ron tried to stutter out a goodnight.

He got up the courage to kiss Oz but his aim was off and they bumped heads. She laughed. 

"You're mean." He said.

"Would a mean girl do this?" she asked placing her hands on either side of his head guiding him down into a kiss she initiated.

" No, but a lady would." He said smiling.

She kissed him again slower with more passion than the first kiss.

"You are officially my bitch." Oz said walking away.

"I was your bitch before we even got on the train." Ron called after her.

"Night bitch. Bring your ass Coco." Oz shouted.

"Bye Harry." Coco said with one final grope to Harry's now thoroughly fondled erection.

They entered the common room where they ran into a furious Hermione who sat in the dark her figure illuminated by the fire.

"Ronald Billus Weasley where on Earth have you been it's three in the morning and we've got classes in the morning." Hermione exclaimed.

"Mione you could wake the dead with how loud you're screeching." Ron said disgruntled about being brought out of his Oz induced trance.

Harry tried to slip past the bushy haired witch.

"And how could you let him do this Harry, you could get expelled or worse." Hermione said.

"Night Hermione, you aren't going to kill my buzz." Harry said leaving her to yell at Ron.

"You went out with those sluts didn't you, two days and they have you losing your mind. They don't belong in our world Ron." Hermione said.

"That's just the way the Slytherins talk about Muggle Borns or have you forgotten. Last time I checked I have a mum, and your name isn't Molly Weasley goodnight Hermione." Ron said walking up to his dorm.


	3. Magical Mistake

Chapter 20

**Title**: Trouble This Way Cometh

**Author**: alienangel19852003 with Luny Lovegood from Harry Potter Fanfiction dot com

**Summary**: Wherever Coco and Oz go trouble is soon to follow. After their abrupt expulsion from Salem School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in America, they continue their education at Hogwarts. Coming from a very relaxed school atmosphere the girls are without manners and skate (literally) threw life on nothing but daring never fearing consequences. Learning a lot from the likes of Luna Lovegood and Harry Potter and also teaching along the way.

**Disclaimer:** We don't know, we don't own, anything but the original characters we dreamed up. This is in no way meant to be a serious attempt at wonderful heartwarming story so please don't get offended by the occasional character bashing and offbeat themes this story isn't meant to offend anyone it's all in good fun. Flames make us stronger. We find them funny. Just review, we take the good we take the bad we take them both and then we have the facts of life.

Author's Notes: Look here this is a musical it's meant to be funny not to infringe on any of the songs that we've used and or dissected to give you guys a few laughs. We don't own anything. Anyways, this is the ONLY musical chapter. Unless you like it ten requests and another will be granted.

"Magical Mistake"

The first week of classes came and went in a blur, Coco's classes were mostly with Luna and the slow class except DADA and Divination which she had with the sixth years, and Oz's classes were mostly with Ron and Harry, except for DADA which she had with Neville and the slow class. Coco served her detentions with Snape. Harry joined her for detention for getting caught sleeping in Snape's first hour potions class on the first day of school on the day that Oz demonstrated her Wolves Bane Potion, which had the greasy teacher in a right state.

The highlights of the week contained Coco using Legimency on Snape during her slow class potions with him. The intensity of his shields was enough to knock both of them to opposite sides of the room. Neville ended up having to carry her up to the nurse while Luna tried to convince Snape to let her levitate him up to the infirmary no one was sure if he thought she'd drop him or if he wanted to the manly thing and walk up there even though he was swaying on his feet.

At the same time Oz was teaching Draco how to skate board they had a free period and after three failed attempts at trying to get a skateboard sent from his father Draco was enthusiastic about skating. They had a free period and he'd bugged her about learning for the past few days, so she decided to give it a try. She was showing off which wasn't really the norm for her but she was grinding off the rails of one of the every changing staircases in the hallways. She lost footing and ended up rolling her ankle as she fell off the bottom of the staircase thankful she didn't fall from higher she would have been worried about much more than her ankle.

Ron and Harry were at the same time in the astronomy tower with Ginny and Hermione who insisted on meeting them to talk, the boys and the girls both had a free period Harry and Ron had every intention of smoking some blunts with Ron's brothers when Hermione had called a meeting with them. Ginny made some comments about Coco and Oz and Ron had fired back with some words of his own, and Hermione tried using a disarming charm as a distraction and Ron ended up toppling backwards out of the window.

Harry cast a Finite Incantem to stop the affects of the spell and managed to slow the momentum but he was unable to stop Ron from hitting the ground he just stopped it from hurting so bad. Ron made his way up to the infirmary with Harry's help he had dislocated shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" Oz, Coco, Harry, Ron and Draco said simultaneously.

"Got hurt." Ron shrugged.

"Snape has a dirty impenetrable mind." Coco said.

"Trying to show off and almost broke my leg…"Oz said.

Snape stalked out of the nurse's office with an ice pack on his head, "Stay out of my head Miss Collins you'd do well to remember that…I know you're in the slow learners' class but figure it out before you kill us both."

He passed the stretcher Coco was lying on and she flipped off the back of his head.

"Twenty points from Slytherin. For the record I do have eyes in the back of my head. Harry you can thank your father for that…" Snape stalked out of the infirmary.

Draco helped Oz on to one of the beds.

"Why are you touching her like that?" Ron demanded.

"I was just helping her, shut up Weasel you hot head." Draco said.

"Malferret." Ron hissed sliding over to Draco.

"You and I both know that if I just tap your right shoulder you'll be howling in pain like a little bitch so let's save this altercation for a time when I can actually have a challenge from you." Draco drawled.

"You aren't even on my level." Ron responded.

Harry raised an eyebrow, "Hermione was obviously a level ahead because she completely knocked you on your arse."

"She caught me off guard; I was too busy dealing with Ginny. You need to put that girl in check." Ron said.

"She ain't my girlfriend, she's your sister you check her." Harry said.

"I'll put her in check what is she saying about us now?" Coco said.

"The usual, they are just being jealous. Hermione will come around eventually, as for Ginny you'd better wait until hell freezes over for that one to come around." Harry said.

"Tell me about it." Ron said rolling his eyes.

"Madam Pomfrey, why can't I help, it seems you have a packed house." Luna's dreamy voice came wafting out of the office long before she stepped out of it.

"Luna let me put this bluntly, the last time you helped I had to do a skin mending potion on the child." Pomfrey said. "And he came in because he had a stomach ache."

"I was cleansing his Chakras who knew that the cleansing potion was dangerous for the skin." Luna said.

"Miss Lovegood you are not helping end of story." Pomfrey said.

"Well, what do we have here?" Dumbledore entered the infirmary.

"Got hurt." Ron responded as he lay sprawled on his cot next to Oz's still cradling his right arm.

"Snape has a dirty mind." Coco responded.

"Doing a trick and got hurt." Oz said.

"I wanted to talk to you young people about that." Dumbledore said.

"About acting an ass?" Draco snorted, "Those Gryffindorks should know by now that their actions only lead to hospital visits but yet they insist to keep–"

"–Yes, but that doesn't explain what your are doing here Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore said.

"Well…see…what had happened was…" Draco was at a loss for words.

"I believe you were boarding down the changing staircases, you do know that they are dangerous when you are just on your two feet but on wheels they could be deadly. You must be more careful Miss Ozwald." Dumbledore said.

"It's just a broken ankle Albie. I'll be alright I didn't lose any limbs." Oz said.

"I believe it was yesterday Miss Collins was paying too much attention to her cell phone and not enough to the stairs and fell right off the end of one. Luckily Mr. Zabini was just below her." Dumbledore said.

"That bitch nigga was looking up my skirt Albie." Coco said vehemently. "I was shooting my girl a text telling her to check out the perv."

"Miss Collins I will not have you speaking in that manner, that is both obscene and offensive. I have another matter to discuss with you." Dumbledore said.

"You want to award me special services for kneeing him the balls?" Coco asked.

"No, I want to talk to your about the incident with Professor Snape. You do understand that is wrong. You are not to invade the mind of any individual; I know you are skilled in Legimency and you don't like secrets but the Professor has his shields for a reason." Dumbledore said.

"A 'mind your business' would have sufficed." Coco said, "You didn't need to tell me it was wrong getting knocked on my ass taught me a lesson."

"Hopefully, getting knocked on your back will teach you as well Mr. Weasley not to go around behaving foolishly. I've no doubt you've done that showing off on your broom."

"Wrong…Hermione did Expelliamous on me and I was off balance and fell out of the astronomy tower. That's all." Ron said.

"You got wand down by a girl?" Draco snickered.

"What of it? Hermione is a pretty strong witch when she wants to be." Ron said.

"I can imagine. All that Mud–" Draco began.

"Don't you even much let that come out your mouth? I'm going to slap the shit out of you." Coco said, "I'm Half Blood, and I ain't going to half step when I beat that ass Blonde Bitch Boy!"

"I'm going to retire to my rooms, Poppy see that these children get patched up and sent on their way.

After the day in the infirmary Hermione was as stern-faced as ever, and Ginny was just as unreasonable. She kept calling Oz and Coco all manner of names usually ending with slut or skank until Luna finally screamed at her, which made the Ginny Beast cry.

Oz suggested a sleepover somewhere where they could just talk and get to know each other it didn't help much that she couldn't find anywhere to smoke her pipe where Minerva didn't come strolling up as soon as she got it lit. Harry suggests that they show the girls the Room of Requirement.

Ron was readying himself for the night in the room, he had one small detail to take care of he had to get Hermione to cover for him during Prefect Duties. He knew she still felt guilty for knocking him off the tower. He found her in the Gryffindor Common Room reading just before she went to Prefect Duty.

"Hello Hermione…" Ron began flashing a nervous smile.

"Oh so now you're speaking to me…what do you want?" Hermione asked.

"Why do you have to go and assume I want something?" Ron asked indignantly placing himself in front of her.

"I've known you for six years, Ron. What do you want?" Hermione asked.

"Alright, I need you to do me a favor." Ron said.

"What kind of favor, I'm not doing your homework…" Hermione said.

"I've done my homework. I need you to cover for me during Prefect Duty, I've got plans…" Ron said.

"You mean you've got a date with that girl." Hermione said.

"Please, I'll owe you one. Whatever you want. Please, we're going to hang out and watch Muggle movies it'll be fun." Ron said.

"So you want me to aid and abed your shenanigans I'm certain you're going to be staying out all night and narrowly missing getting caught by Filch." Hermione said.

"I told you before I have a mother, and you aren't her. Will you do it or not." Ron demanded.

"Fine, but you didn't say the magic word…" Hermione said in a high pitched sing song voice.

"Do it or I'll tell about your highly illegal spell book." Ron threatened.

"Blackmail? Ron, really I thought this was beneath you." Hermione said.

"You'll do it?" Ron asked.

"Of course, I have no other choice and besides they're will be six other Prefects there anyways. It's not like I'll be doing _everything_." Hermione said.

"Spank you!" Ron shouted before running away.

"Ronald!" Hermione shouted her cheeks coloring.

"I mean thank you." Ron said darting out the portrait hole.

Harry was standing in the corridor with the girls waiting for him, "You got her to do it didn't you?" he asked Ron.

"Easy as pie." Ron smirked.

"Let's quit the yapping and get upstairs, I've spent the whole day listening to these boring ass folks. I don't need to hear anything from the Granger school of perfect boredom." Coco whined.

"We'll be there in a moment." Ron darted in front of the group, "Follow me, steady on steady on…"

Harry shrugged and tucked his arm around Coco's waist as they followed. Luna and Draco were strangely absent from the group, she claimed she had to study and Draco had Prefect Duty.

They walked down the hall containing that ridiculous tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy the first time Coco was protesting.

"You've got to do it thrice." Harry explained.

"You do it thrice." Coco told him.

"What do we want from this room anyways?" Ron asked.

"We need comfy couches, soft lighting, a TV/DVD player, preferbably widescreen hidef plasma." Oz said.

"I don't know what all those things are…" Ron said blushing eyes to the ground, he didn't like not having the Muggle background to know what in the hell the girls were talking about and no money to afford it if he did know what it was.

"I don't want you to be cross at me if I pick the wrong colors." Harry said.

"You'd pick damn camo green or some shit like that. You do it Oz." Coco said.

"Fine, you coming with me though Ron." Oz grabbed Ron's arm and they paced the hall three times thinking of the room Coco described.

Finally a door appeared and Harry eagerly pushed it open trying not to gape at the room.

"It looks like the summer house rec room." Coco remarked.

"I used it for inspiration, I didn't want you to go off about the decorating scheme." Oz said.

Harry and Ron were in awe of the plush couches of tan suede and the huge flat screen mouted on the wall in front of them a pool table over in the corner, and every kind of food imaginable laid out for them. Ron eagerly took a spot on the couch with a bag of chips and started munching, Harry sat down on the other end of the couch just staring taking everything in. Coco and Oz sat on the other couch they stared at the boys for a few moments.

"If I'd known this shit would be this boring I would have hung out and studied with Loony." Oz said.

"Pick a damn movie." Coco shoved the stack of DVD's at Harry.

"I'm not in the mood for movies." Harry said.

"He's afraid of 'em." Ron said around a mouthful of food, "He told me he was afraid of scary movies and these look pretty damn scary."

Ron picked up a DVD and studied it, "Who's Freddy Kruger?"

"Don't say that name!" Harry shouted covering his ears.

"You can say the name of You-Know-Who who is a real villian who has tried killing you loads of times and you're afraid of a Muggle movie? Still? It's been years since your Uncle made you watch those." Ron said.

"I want to know about you girls, tell me about yourselves." Harry changed the subject rather clumisly.

"Well, we've been friends forever, since the moment she was born. Probably before." Oz said pointing at Coco.

"I'm six months younger." Coco explained.

"When's your birthdays?" Harry asked.

"December twenty fourth…I was born in Manhattan New York, my mom was getting coffee after she'd gone with Coco's mom to go shopping and she went into labor." Oz explained, "The day before Christmas in a crowded coffee shop."

"I on the other hand was born in a hospital, in New York New York, Cedars Siangi Hosptial on July fourth." Coco said, "Both of our familes were living in New York at the time, and it was when my Papi was still around and things were good for the first eight years. We went to the same elementary school and everything."

"We got into so much trouble." Oz said laughing, "Remember the turtle incident."

"What happened with the turtle?" Ron asked

"Well in the second grade this crazy girl made our class pet disappear." Oz said

"That stupid turtle bit me." Coco wined "You got a lot of room to talk you made that beast reappear."

"Our teacher was so pissed she thought that we hid that turtle and when we said that we couldn't put Mr. Snappy back in the cage she made us call our mom's and the moment our mom's got there, I'd be damned I made that damn turtle pop back up." Oz said with a laugh

"I bet you got up to a lot of crazy things…" Harry said laughing.

"What happened when you actually did go to Salem?" Ron asked.

"We had some crazy times at Salem." Coco said.

"We did let's just start with our biggest expolit to date…that would be the one that got us expelled." Oz said.

"We blew up the the potions lab…" Coco reaveled.

"What?" Ron said gaping.

"And I thought flying a car to school in second year made the top of the list." Harry said, "But we didn't get expelled, no matter how hard Snape lobbied for that to that happen."

"We were already in detention and she decides to make a highly illegal and expermental potion that she didn't tell me the right ingriedients to put in it–" Coco began before Oz interuppeted.

"Nuh uh…you put that stuff in cause you said it smelled bad. You did it." Oz accused.

"You didn't stop me you knew what it was going to do." Coco said.

"That was irrelevant. You know I can't stop you when you put your mind to something. And besides I wanted to see how bad it would blow it up. It squirted all this gross blue scretions on me. That's how I got this lovely little blue streak in my hair." Oz explained, "Coco actually had enough sense to dive up under the table.

"I wasn't going to get soaked in that funky juice and ruin my outfit. I put up a shield to get through the blast of course. That shit will never wash out until the potions run its course whatever it was supposed to do anyways." Coco said.

"I'm not to sure I think it was supposed to make all the evil in the world clear to see or whatever." Oz cocked her head to the side trying to remember.

"Why were you in detention?" Harry asked.

"We were always in detention for something. I think it was because of the talent show incident." Coco said.

"May, I ask what happened at this talent show?" Ron asked cocking an eyebrow.

"It started out so innocent, really," Coco began.

"We could reinact it for them." Oz said.

"Alright…" Coco took out her wand and waved it over them and they were wearing their smedium Pussy Cat Dolls outfits.

"Oh hell no. I said could not should. Nor did I said would." Oz said.

"Just do the dance." Coco said.

"Alright but no singing I doubt they've even heard the song." Oz said.

"Fine." Coco said.

The girls stood up in front of the boys and did the little hip shaking two step that went along with a song called "Hey big spender" which was redone by the Pussy Cat Dolls.

"Coco got the bright idea to fling off her tank top and do the rest of the perfomance in just her bra and shorts. Our principal didn't like that at all." Oz explained.

"Oh, please do it again." Harry mumbled.

"What was that?" Coco asked.

"Take your top off!" Ron jeered staring at Oz.

"Hold your horses cowboy, we ain't going there just yet." Coco said transforming their outfits into their pajamas.

"When can we go there and can I bring toys?" Harry asked.

"Harry owns a pair of hand cuffs, Colin Creevey gave them as a gag for Christmas and he never thought he'd try them out. I highly doubted he'd get close enough to even talk to a girl much less put handcuffs on her." Ron said.

"Just because I didn't spend all of last term snogging one of the founding memebers of the the society of promsicurity doesn't mean I'm some kind of of hopeless romantic dork." Harry pointed out.

"Yeah yeah whatever…" Ron said.

"What does snogging mean?" Oz asked.

Coco got up and hopped on Harry's lap, "This is snogging," Coco crushed her lips to his and he kissed back hungrily.

"Harry hasn't done much of that…" Ron smirked.

"Keep teasing that boy or you won't do much of it." Oz said.

"Fine my mouth is shut." Ron said.

"Stop eating each other's faces, I thought we were talking, and I havent heard nearly enough about you Mr. Weasley. Everyone knows all about the famous Harry Potter. I don't want to hear anymore about how inexperinced he is." Oz said, "And ain't nothing wrong with being inexpereinced."

"Virgins are fun to teach." Coco smirked biting Harry's neck.

"Stop that before you make the poor boy come in his pants…" Oz said.

"Get back on your own side, if you keep doing that we'll never get to learn anything about each other." Ron said, "There is more to life than shagging. If you don't know the person first that's all you'll have is a great shag or two and nothing else."

"Been there done that huh playa?" Coco asked returning to her spot on the couch.

"Yes," Ron said.

"How long was your longest realtionship?" Oz asked.

"On and off for a whole term," Ron answered.

"And you?" Oz asked Harry.

"Twelve days." Harry blushed, "And you two?"

"Six months…" Oz said.

"Four and half years." Coco revealed.

"Bloody hell." Harry moaned.

"Yeah, they were practically married." Oz said.

"It was on and off." Coco said, "We only had two weeks worth of good times anyways."

"Who were you with all that time?" Harry asked.

"One of the blackest Wizards on the planet. He's not that dark but he's real ghetto." Oz explained, "His name is Cory Grinewaldi, he's pureblood and he lives in a housing development in New York. He thinks he's a Wizarding Thug he's got a big ass watermelon head."

"And you who were you with?" Ron asked.

"Alfonso Rodriquez." Oz answered simply, "He was a real shrimpy shrimp. Little Mexican boy that Coco thought would be a good match for me. Too bad I was like a giant compard to him."

"You two had a lot of the same intrests I thought you'd be great together and you were." Coco pointed out.

"We both liked to smoke weed and talk noise and skate board that's about as deep as our connection went." Oz said dryly, "He tried to eat my face a time or two."

"That's probably not all he ate." Coco snickered.

Oz turned red and decided to change the subject, "Who wants to play truth or dare?"

"Ooh…I've heard of this game. Hermione told me about it. But we never wanted to play with her…" Ron said.

"Why?" Oz asked.

"She asks the tough questions." Ron said with a knowing smile.

"Fine, truth or dare Ron…" Coco said with a micheivous smirk.

"Fuck it…dare…" Ron answered.

"Fine, I dare you to strip down to your boxers and remain that way until you are asked truth or dare once more." Coco said.

"Fine." Ron said standing up and pulling his t-shirt over his head his pajama pants were soon to follow.

Finally he was standing before them in just a pair blue boxers.

"Mate, you are so pale," Harry said.

"Fuck you…" Ron said taking a seat on the couch.

"It's you're turn to ask someone truth or dare?" Coco explained.

"Alright…Harry truth or dare?" Ron asked.

"Truth…" Harry said.

"Pussy…" Ron muttered.

"Do you wank in the room while we're sleeping?" Ron asked.

"Is it too late to pick dare?" Harry asked.

"Don't punk out now Potter." Oz said.

"Fine…on occasion." Harry said.

"You sick, sick, sad boy…that disturbs me… I thought you might've been doing that…but I was going to give you the benfit of having a nightmare." Ron said shaking his head.

"I guess it's my turn…Oz, truth or dare?" Harry asked.

"Dare." Oz said easily.

"I dare you to you strip down to your undies and sit in Ron's lap until you're asked a question." Harry said with a smirk.

"Lame-o!" Oz said procedding to strip down to her pink cotton boy shorts and her matching pink bra.

She took a seat on Ron's lap surpsingly he was only sporting a semi.

"How you doing?" Oz asked him.

"Fine…" Ron grunted.

"Coco, truth or dare?" Oz asked.

"Dare." Coco said.

"I dare you to take off your bra." Oz said.

"What…I need it…I like it…but it's pretty you want to see it?" Coco asked.

"Just take it off…" Oz said.

"Fine, my titties are going to be loose." Coco said.

"Set them free baby," Harry said.

Coco reached around and unclipped her bra pulling it out of the sleeves of her green tanktop. She threw the purple lace bra at Harry.

"Harry, truth or dare?" Coco asked.

"Dare…" he said with a sigh.

"Finally deciding to man up?" Oz asked.

Harry just glared at her, "I wanted to do something cool."

"Grown…you want to do something grown, we don't say cool unless we're at a total loss for words…" Oz explained.

"Fine I wanted to do something grown." Harry said.

"I dare you to tongue kiss Ron." Coco said with a smirk.

"Ooh rauchy I like…" Oz said.

"Hell no…" came the dual comments from the boys.

"Fine you can dare us to kiss or whatever if you want…" Coco said.

"We made out for a bunch of guys to get free drinks in New Orleans once." Oz said, "It's not that big of a deal. Imagine it as acting…imagine it's someone else."

"Fine…fuck you." Harry said.

"You be a good boy you might get to…" Coco said.

Harry got up and leaned over Oz and kissed Ron, it was soft and simple at first the Harry allowed Ron to deepen the kiss. They broke apart seconds later wiping their mouths in disgust.

"You taste like old potatos…" Harry said.

"The chips mate…" Ron said.

"I think he tastes alright…" Oz said.

"Fine if you think so I dare you to lick his nipples…" Harry said.

"That means I can get dressed. So fuck you mutha sucka." Oz said putting on her pajamas before proceeding to give Ron the best nipple suck of his life.

She stopped when he yelped in pain, "You bit me girl…"

"Nobody said biting was out of the question." Oz said with a smirk.

"Harry truth or dare?" Oz asked.

"Dare." Harry answered the challege with a resolve face.

"I dare you to swap underwear with Coco. She gets to put her shorts back on over the boxers but you have to sit there in just her thong and bra until it's your turn again." Oz said.

"You are so wrong for that…you better be glad I got on draws Harry Potter." Coco said standing up and going behind the couch to pull off her shorts and thong mostly so Ron wouldn't get smacked for peeping at her pussy.

She handed Harry her thong, he'd gone to the other side to take off his clothes. He handed her his boxers. Then once they were dressed, they took their places on the couches needless to say that Coco's thong was a bit small and not built to hold Harry's assets. He was hanging out of the thing.

"My eyes, my shimmering lagoon blue eyes have been assualted by the sight of Harry's hairy balls." Ron said buring his face in his hands.

"Ron, truth or dare?" Harry asked.

"Yes!" Ron said putting his pajama pants on and leaving his t-shirt lying on the floor.

"Truth or dare?" Harry reminded him.

"Dare." Ron said.

"I dare you to tonguefuck Oz's navel." Harry said.

"Man, that is so lame." Oz said lifting up her shirt and standing up and moving in front of him.

"I'll agree but I'm more than happy to oblige." Ron smirked leaning in and gripping her hips.

He dipped his tongue into her navel gently flicking it for a few seconds his hands lowering to cup her ass as he proceeded to give her the navel job of her life.

Oz couldn't help but groan, she'd never seen the point in navel licking, or much in foreplay in general for reasons that she knew were destined to surface sooner or later. Ron lapped harder at her navel and she began to breathe heavier finally Ron stopped, and she was almost damming him for doing so.

"Damn, you were a little in to that." Coco observed.

"Was not, I'm just embarrassed a bit." Oz said.

"You don't get embarassed," Coco pointed out, "Unless your doing a public speaking."

"Fuck you… damn your tongue Ronald Weasley." Oz took a seat on the couch.

"Makes you wonder what else I can do with it." Ron said winking.

"Not until now." Oz blushed deeper.

"Now you're blushing nobody has ever made you blush before." Coco observed, "What's gotten into you?"

"Shut the fuck up. Please would you dare someone to do something so you motherfuckers can quit staring at me!" Oz pleaded with Ron.

"Fine, you asked for it, Oz I dare you to–" Ron began.

"How'd you know I'd even want to pick dare?" Oz asked.

"Truth is boring." Ron said rolling his eyes.

"Dare me already…" Oz said.

"I dare you to give Coco a lapdance." Ron said with a smirk.

"I'm game." Coco said leaning back in her chair.

Oz got up and smirked at Harry and Ron before waking over to Coco.

Coco flicked her wand and music began to play something neither of the boys reconized. Oz clothes transformed into a short skirt and thong and a lacy bra. She began to gyrate in front of Coco and the boys were drooling. They looked silly gaping.

"Bloody brilliant." Ron said.

Oz had finished her dance, and she was giggling.

"Now I think it's time to have a smoke." Oz said pulling out her pipe and putting it to her lips lighting it and inhailing deeply. "Now that really hits the spot."

Coco lit her chocolate flavored blunt and smirked, "True that."

"What about some for me?" Harry asked.

"Fine." Coco said, knowing she'd never get that blunt back once she passed it to him.

"Coco, truth or dare?" Oz asked.

"Truth…" Coco said.

"Good cause I didn't have a dare planned." Oz said, "Did you give Cory a hand job the first week you got with him."

"No, he went down on me first. Then I didn't talk to him for a week." Coco said.

"That's a bit too much info for me." Ron said.

"Why didn't you speak to him for a week?" Harry asked.

"Tut tut you're speaking out of turn." Coco said, "Oz truth or dare."

"Truth, I don't feel like getting up again." Oz said.

"Okay, how far did you go with Alf?" Coco asked.

"Second base." Oz revealed.

"What! That's a damn lie ya'll used to sleep in the same bed you was wearing that maiyne's draws and everything." Coco said.

"We didn't fuck sorry, I've still got my V-card." Oz said laughing, if she weren't getting stoned, she wouldn't find this nearly as amusing as she did then.

"You're fucking kidding me, you lied to me!" Coco shouted.

"I didn't lie, I just witheld the truth, you know what happens when you assume Coco. You make an ass out of you and me." Oz said.

"Whatever…" Coco said.

"Harry truth or dare?" Oz asked.

"Fine, since we're on this truth kick, dare…" Harry said.

"Well since we both still have our V-cards. I dare you to switch back your clothes, you have redress Coco and while your at it, I dare you eat her out while you get her dressed." Oz said.

"What!" Harry asked.

"She said you have to undress me and eat me out and then dress me again, hop to it Potter." Coco said rearranging herself on couch.

Oz got up and moved over to the other side of the room and handed Ron her pipe, he put his lips to it and immediately took a hit off it.

Harry crawled over to her and slid off her shorts and his boxers, he stared at her.

"You're completely hairless." Harry exclaimed.

"Ron stop staring at her snatch." Oz said.

"I've never seen a black pussy before. Nor have I seen one that's completely shaved before so give me a moment." Ron said.

Harry lowered his head and gave her a few tenative licks. Coco allowed this until she got frustrated at his poor techinque and his timidness.

"Harry just stop all your doing is getting me horny and you don't know how to fix that problem yet." Coco said.

"Was I even close to getting it right?" Harry asked.

"You're eager, but you don't know what you're doing, you'll have time to practice, but later. And I don't like instructing you with an audience." Coco said.

"We won't laugh at the poor chap." Ron snickered.

"You are laughing you git." Harry said.

"That's because you're hopeless in the sack." Ron said.

"Fuck you." Harry indignantly pulled on his boxers and finally his pajamas and put Coco's panties and shorts back on her.

"Truth or dare Oz?" Coco asked.

"It ain't your turn." Oz said.

"I know, but that was a dare that was done to me. And I'm tired of this game I was going to dare you turn on the movie." Coco said.

"I can do that." Oz said getting up and setting up the first disc of Nightmare on Elm Street.

Harry settled himself next to Coco and Oz took her seat next to Ron. It was clear who started the make out war, it was Harry out of desperation to ingore Freddy Kruger's killing spree. It wasn't clear who won the competetition but Harry was very frustrated that he'd started the game in the first place.

The state of them when they finally fell asleep on the third disc, would have curled Snape's greasy hair had he saw them Ron was half on top of Oz, with his hand on her bare midriff she had a leg thrown over his back. Coco was sleeping on her stomach and Harry was pressed into her rear end and still hard.

The next morning they were sneaking back into their respective houses just after the day had dawned, Oz found Luna lying in a rumpled bed with a half naked Draco wrapped around her. He was wearing an absurd black turtleneck and absoultely nothing else.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" Oz thundered, "I've seen enough cock for one night thank you. And none of the ones I saw were the one I wanted to see."

Draco rolled over and smiled, giving her the full veiw of his soft manhood.

"Damn that shit is tiny." Oz said, "How do you manage to do anything with that?"

"Hey! I'm not even turned on yet, wait till it gets hard it's like a python." Draco defended.

"It's the perfect size to stimulate my g-spot contrubiting to multiple orgasmic bliss." Luna said dreamily burying her head in his chest.

"Be that as it may, put that shit away." Oz said, "I'm going back to sleep."

Draco rose and got dressed, "I should go, Blaise is probably going to discuss what happened with Cho last night."

"Before you go I've got to ask you playa, why do you keep your shirt on when you fuck?" Oz asked, "It's fucking weird."

"I don't know either, I've never thought to ask…" Luna said, "Dragon, how come you keep your shirt on?"

"Mind your business." Draco said striding toward the door, "I'll see you later Moon, Ozwald, tell no one of this…"

"Why would I tell that I was peter gazing you?" Oz said shuddering, "I don't think anyone gives a damn how tiny and pale your penis is?"

"My penis is not tiny." He barked before leaving the room

That night set the tone for many other sleepovers the weeks bled into a month. One night they had to put off the sleepovers. Hermione was more than a little upset, Ron wasn't just blowing off prefect duty he'd lost house points, Draco wouldn't be there either and the two Ravenclaws were too into studying, Blaise spent the whole time sleeping, and the Hufflepuff prefects were all stoned. Oz had taken to dealing her own supply to get more galleons and sickles. All the work was put off on Hermione and she was very unhappy.

They'd all got detention for various reasons it was the group dubbed as the Hogwarts six plus two twin Weasleys. Snape was giving the detention and made the mistake of leaving them alone in his potions classroom. Hagrid had needed his assistance and he had to leave the room. Oz was expermienting with a potion that Snape had half made that was simmering in a caldron.

"Don't be throwing nothing in there you don't know what he's making." Coco said.

"He's making a calming drought it's so second year." Oz said.

"What if it isn't?" Harry asked, "You could botch it big time if you put in the wrong ingredients."

"I be trying to tell her. Look at her she don't wanna listen." Coco said.

There was a crash from the other side of the room the three Weasleys had broken a bunch of potion vials trying to play hackey sack.

"My fault." F-Baby said.

"You better clean that up before he gets back I don't want to hear his mouth." Oz said adding ells eyes into the potion.

"Reparo." The three boys chanted and the damage was fixed.

"You want to go into his cupboard?" Harry winked at Coco.

Coco rolled her eyes.

"Go head. Bring me back some thyme." Oz said.

"Like Morris Day and the Time?" Coco asked, "I don't even think he owns any CD's."

"No, thyme like rosemary and thyme. The shit your mama puts on her pot roast." Oz said.

"That shit tastes like grass…" Coco said.

"Come on…" Harry led her into the closet.

"Thyme please!" Oz shouted.

Harry threw some thing in a baggie out to her.

The Weasley's moved closer to where Oz was making the potion. Luna and Draco were entertaining themselves with groping and weren't paying attention what Oz was doing.

Unfortunately the boys were still playing hackey sack and knocked another half close potion into Oz's caldron.

"Oh snap! Hit that deck." Oz dived under the table expecting the potions to explode but a mist wafted out of the caldron it passed through the room and right under the door the fog got more dense, everyone in the room was coughing even Coco and Harry came out of the closet coughing.

"What did you do?" Coco demanded.

"He did it!" the Weasleys accused each other.

"It doesn't matter who did it the potion didn't do shit." Oz said coming from under the table.

"Yeah nothings happened." Harry said before he tugged on Coco's hand, "Now who wants to go back into the cupboard with me?"

Coco was on her way into the closet with him, "What do you think you're going to get to do to me before Snape comes back?"

"Who cares…" Harry said before guitar cords and cymbals wailed as Fall Out Boy's Of all the Gin Joints in the World began to play instrumentally.

Harry clutched his middle before bursting into song.

"_You only hold me up like this because you don't know who I really am…__"_

Harry was actually a very good singer, it suprized even him as he continued singing the song. Coco was always playing the song and by now Harry knew it by heart by the time he hit the final chorus she was clinging to him whispering about how fucking wet she was.

"Damn Potter! Do you have to be good at sodding everything?" Draco demanded, "Fourtunately I'm better."

"We should really be asking why I burst into song? Where in the world did that music come from. I could swear Pete Wentz was in the room." Harry said looking around.

"Could be a side effect of the potion, or you could be some fucking kind of a show tune singing fairy." Oz said.

The door burst open and Snape strutted into the room with Hagrid in tow.

"What did you do?" Snape demanded.

"Nothing…" Oz and Coco said.

"He did it!" the Weasley boys stated pointing at Draco.

"I was in the storage cupboard." Harry answered.

"I was wanking my Dragon." Luna responded happily.

"I told you not to mention that and maybe no one would've noticed." Draco said.

"I'm sorry Dragon." Luna said.

"I am never leaving you little…rodents alone again!" Snape said through clenched teeth.

"I was finishing your potion. I thought it was calming drought." Oz began staring at an interesting spot on her sneakers.

"It was vertiserum, but continue Miss Ozwald." Snape looked paler than normal.

"Apparently, we've added an ingredient to it that seems to make truth come out by way of a song." Oz contiuned.

"That explains a lot." Hagrid said.

"NEVER mention that to anyone." Snape hissed turning his head to Hagrid his greasy hair swinging as he did.

Different music began to play, this time it was Teenagers by My Chemical Romance. Snape burst into song this time.

"_I'm going to clean up your looks with all the lies in the books…Teenagers scare the living shit out of me. They can care less as long as someone will bleed. So tuck in your clothes and strike a violent pose. Maybe they will leave you alone! But not me!" _

The song mercifully ended for the greasy haired teacher, the students and Hagrid were all gaping.

"He really doesn't have the voice for it but he's got presence." Oz shrugged.

"With that I will agree." Hagrid said, "The other song was mostly screaming. I didn't catch any of the words."

"Leave now, it will take some time for me to brew the antidote. If I can figure out what you brats have done. I will see you tomorrow at this time. Next time don't touch my bloody things." Snape said and the group followed Hagrid out of the room leaving behind the professor.

"He's bloody pissed." Ron said stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"I really hope I don't burst into singing in middle of classes." Harry blushed.

"You'd better not I don't want those skanky girls all over you throwing panties and shit." Coco said.

Harry blushed deeper.

"Bloody hell, will I sing too?" Ron asked nervously.

"If Snape did we all probably will. His mind shields are nearly inpentrable." Coco said.

The night drew to a close with horrid singing from all of their roommates, Coco had to suffer through the torture of Pansy's singing, Bubbly, a song made famous by Cobie Calliat an Amercian singer songwriter that Pansy herself had never heard of. The song was offically Pansified.

"_When he sucks on my toes he wrinkles his nose…wherever he goes I wish his penis shows_."

The torture finally ended when Coco threw a book at her, the History of Magic book she was studying before the singing broke out.

Oz had to deal with Luna's delicate high piched vocals singing various songs all about Draco.

"_Sings Weak by SWV_"

Harry and Ron walked in on Seamus and Dean singing love songs to each other.

"_I'll make love to you, like you want me to…_" they were singing.

"They are singing as a duo not a duet so I don't think we have anything to worry about." Ron said.

"I'm going to sleep with one eye open I don't play that shit, waking up with a finger in your arse and a dick in your face ain't fun, trust me." Harry said.

"Is there something you're not telling me Mate?" Ron chuckled.

"Dudley was having a sleepover, and Aunt Petunia was feeling genrous and let me join them. I woke up and his friends were prodding me, they told me not to say anything to Dudley." Harry explained.

"What did you do to get them back? That must have been awful." Ron said.

"Worse has happened believe me, better then than old Voldy invading my mind with his freakshow sexcapades with Bellatrix." Harry said.

"That's just disgusting, why would he do that?" Ron asked.

"Why would he do her for that matter, he's an old stanky pedaphile. I'm going to have to learn Occlemency, which means I have to grovel to Snape, or Oz could teach me." Harry said.

"It's about time, after that I would have ran screaming crying to Snape to wash my mind." Ron said.

"Mostly from Coco, there are things I've seen that I don't want her to see. You know…" Harry said.

"Like You-Know-Who and that shewitch?" Ron said.

"No, other little mind grams he's sent me." Harry said, "Things are changing."

"We'll deal with it tommorrow I need sleep to deal with Snape tommorrow." Ron said.

Oz and Coco were walking into the Great Hall, when they heard music playing.

"Not this shit again." Oz groaned.

"You haven't any right to complain, you got to listen to Luna's singing. I had to put up with Pansy's singing. She sounded like a cat being beat to death." Coco complained.

"_You can bet there's nothing but net when I'm on the pitch and looking for gold. I've got a confession my own secret obsession and it's making me lose control_**." **Draco was singing as they entered**.**

"_Everybody gather 'round,"_ the Slytherin table sang.

"Well, I'm in the mood to tell my secrets, I'm in love with Loony Lovegood. She's my Moon, and I'm her Dragon, I got good pussy, she makes it rain." Draco said.

"_Not another sound_." The group chorused.

"Did she go down?" Megalus asked.

"_Oh no, Oh no, no, no_!" The group sang, "Stick to the stuff you know, stick to the status quo."

"Look at me and what do you see? Intelligence beyond compare, but inside I'm stirring something strange is occurring it's a secret I need to share…" Hermione sang.

"_Open up dig way down deep_." The Gryffindor table sang.

"Gambling is my passion, I like to place bets and throw dice." Hermione said.

"Is that even legal?" Neville asked.

"_Not another peep_." The Gryffindors sang.

"It's just gambling sometimes I think it's cooler than tutoring." Hermione said.

"Stick to the stuff you know, it is better by far to keep things as they are. Don't mess with the flow, no no. Stick to the status quo."

A dark haired Ravenclaw boy started singing, "_Listen well, I'm ready to tell, theres a need I cannot deny. I'm bored and horny guy, I can't explain my sitution without having to unzip my fly."_

"_Speak your mind and you'll be heard_." The Ravenclaws sang.

"I'm fucking Pansy Parkinson," The boy revealed.

"Are you using a condom?" the boys at the table asked.

"Hell yes." He responded.

"_No, no, no, nooooooooooo, No, no, no, stick to the stuff you know. If you wanna be cool follow one simple rule. Don't mess with that stanky ho, no no. s__tick to the status quoooooooo__"_ The Ravenclaws sang.

"_This is not what I want, this is not what I planned, and I've just got to say I do not understand, Harry is supposed to be my man!"_ Cho Chang sang.

"_Something's not right–"_ Ginny started to sing from where she sat with Pansy, Lavender, Cho, and two Hufflepuff girls.

"_Something is really wrong_…" Cho over sang Ginny, "_And we've got to get things back where they belong,_" they both finished.

The whole hall burst out singing random bits at the same time, "_No, No, blow blow, skanky hoe, don't fuck that hoe no…"_

"Everybody quiet!" Minerva shouted.

The silence in the hall was deafing.

"Why is everyone staring at you playa?" Oz asked Coco.

"They ain't staring at me, they staring at you." Coco said.

"What? I can't have people staring at me, getting all up in my grill. They don't even much no me like that. I get parniod in this muthafucka." Oz said.

"_Oh hell no no, no, don't fuck that skanky hoe! Let her blow, blow, blow, just to blow your load, load, load. Don't stick that stanky hoe_."

"I won sixteen galleons today!" Hermione shouted.

"She is a gambling ho!" Susan Bones said.

"Not another word." Minerva shouted again the music finally stopped and everyone went back to normal. Well about as normal as they could be after that song, Megalus was trying to get over to the Ravenclaw table but Da Washa and Da Drya were holding him back.

"I'm going to get your punk ass Michael Corner, that's why I'm going to fuck that Weasley bitch of yours!" Megalus screamed after finally being subedued, "Pansy, we was supposed to be manogoumus!"

"Manogomus is one of those words like statistic, that dear Pansy doesn't understand." Draco drawled.

Coco didn't experience anymore singing until DADA class, which the fifth year slow class was allowed to attend and Neville was dozing and Oz was listening to the lecture Drew was giving with rapt attention desprate to learn better defense moves.

Coco was daydreaming and Oz wasn't accpeting her text messages she was trying to beat Hermione at copying notes. The room was quiet except for the scratch of two quills attempting to out write each other.

"_She's got to be somebody's baby_," Neville began to sing staring in Hermione's direction.

Hermione was still oblivious but everyone else with ears turned to gape at him and his amazing singing voice, no one expected such a voice to come out of Neville Longbottom.

Oz stopped taking notes to glare at him for interrupting her note taking with his song stylings, and Hermione took the lead with her note taking.

Girls and boys alike were oohing and ahhing over Neville's sweet pipes, his voice was low and deep and every bit as soulful as any R&B singer. Coco was even transfixed by his vocals. Oz tried not to let it distract her but she ended up sighing and gazing at him as well.

Ron and Harry got over the novelty of Neville's voice and were fuming because their girlfriends were practically salivating over Neville and ingoring them at the moment.

Draco was very upset because he was trying to sweet talk Luna into meeting him in the Room of Requirement after class but it was extremely hard to get the blonde to pay attention to his heavy flirtation.

Other than Hermione, Drew was the least ruffled by the singing he continued to write notes on the board after a breif pause to find out where the source of the vocals was coming from and turned back to the board with a smirk.

Neville was about as red in the face as a tomato, so much so that his cheeks were actually glowing. He tried to disappear into his seat sinking down as far as he could.

"Mr. Longbottom just gave me a fascinating idea for a special event at Hogwarts. We should put on a musical, we can't have you all graduating without taking part in a High School Musical." Drew said.

"We have enough special events that I'm not going to attend thank you very much." Oz said.

"We're going to do _High School Musical_? And can I be Sharpay? That's all I'm going to ask for." Coco said.

"Not that particular play but maybe another one, perhaps _West Side Story_ or something." Drew shrugged taking a seat behind his desk.

"That doesn't work for me. What about _Hairspray_?I'll even settle for _Crybaby._" Coco tried to negotiate.

"Oh hell no, you're going to try out for another musical, you've done them all at the community theatre, I ain't getting roped into painting no sets while I wait for your ass." Oz said, "You know that's going to cut into our smoking time."

"It won't." Coco assured her.

"Remember when I wanted to get a job that was all you could talk about was it cutting into our smoking time." Oz said.

"It's not like you really wanted to work at McDonald's anyway." Coco said.

"How are you going to get the heads of the school to agree to this?" Draco asked smugly.

"Not only do I have special permission from Professor McGonnagall and the Headmaster I have express permission from the Govenor of the school whom I believe is your father Mr. Malfoy." Drew said sounding equally smug.

"I believe in order to arrange any event I'll just need to get Professor Snape to assist with the project." Drew explained, "Anyone who wants to sign up is more than welcome to do so, and on that note you guys can leave class early."

"It'll be a cold day in hell before he get Sevie to agree to that." Coco muttered as they were walking out of the classroom.

"Yeah, you know how he is." Ron said.

"You'd actually try out for the musical?" Oz asked.

"I don't know…" Ron said, "But Neville definitely should."

"Musicals are only for drama queens and queers, which category are you in?" Oz asked Ron.

Ron glared at her and said while cupping himself, "I got your queer right here."

"Ronald please don't grab yourself in public, I told you it's disgusting." Hermione said stalking past him.

"How 'bout I grab him then?" Oz asked.

"You both are disgusting animals," Hermione growled turning around midstep causing everyone behind her to stop and stare, "Just remember I won't be covering for you at Prefect Duty while you two are off mauling each other's faces next time you host one of your shagovers."

"Not that it's any of your business we're not fucking yet." Oz told Hermione before demanding of Ron, "And why were you pawning your work off on Miss Tightass?"

"I–I…you wanted to hang out…and I wanted to be with you. She said she didn't mind." Ron stuttered.

"That is no reason for her to have to do her job and yours too, once or twice is fine. Anymore than that is taking advantage of her lack of common sense." Oz began, she was more than a little perturbed by Ron's irresponsibilty.

"Of course I mind honestly Ronald, it happens every weekend!" Hermione exclaimed.

"What if she…not that it would ever happen had a date?" Oz asked.

"Well, I do the same for her if that were a possibilty." Ron said.

Hermione huffed and stalked off.

"You are so insenstive." Harry said, "She's been being very distant lately I think she's depressed or something."

"It's your fault if she jumps off the Astronmy Tower." Coco said pointing at Ron.

"She knows a spell to stop her from hitting the ground hard, she'll be alright…" Oz said.

"If the stupid bird wants to off herself let her have at it. It'll be one less Mudblood polutting our world." Draco said as he tried to pass between Coco and Harry.

Coco tripped him at the same time Harry hit him in the back of the head. The blonde Slytherin not only hit the ground with a thump but he sprawled out disgracefully all over the floor.

"Call her a Mudblood again and we'll get to see some of that pretty blue blood of yours Malfoy, next time you say that I'll hex your balls off." Coco said.

"What bitch!" Oz shouted leaning over Draco.

"You got knocked the hell out." Neville taunted walking by.

"You pay for that comment Longbottom, Luna help me up." Draco said.

Luna made no move to do so, "Dragon, you must really learn how to speak to my friends. If you continue to go around treating them like the underside of a Crumpled Horn Snorcack's bum you're the one behaving like an inferior, and for that you will not be worthy of my company."

"Moon, wait! I'm sorry…" Draco picked himself off the ground and proceeded to run behind his girlfriend who was skipping down the corridor.

"I didn't think Malfoy was capable of an actual apology." Ron said.

"You've got somethings to apolgize for, too, but not to me. You've got to make up slacking off and leaving Hermione to do your dirty work. Until then you won't be worthy of my company." Oz said.

"What? I didn't do anything…" Ron said.

"Exactly. Come on Coco lets find Luna and smoke out." Oz said.

"What about me?" Harry said.

"You have to go monitor Ron's apology, make sure he doesn't make Hermione jump off the Astronmy tower." Oz told Harry.

"I can apologise all on my own." Ron said.

"No, you can't. You'll end up practically pushing the bitch off the ledge." Coco said.

"You need a script Mate." Harry said.

"I should be used to this by now." Ron said.

"Used to coming up with half assed apologies to satisfy the women in your life?" Oz asked.

"No, trying to come up with something good enough so I can stay in their good graces." Ron said.

"Go do what I said, you're making yourself sound like a jackass. I know you're not a full time jackass. You just moonlight as one every once and a while." Oz said.

"We go smoke, you go lie to Hermione." Coco said, "Let me know if you hear any more about the musical."

On their way to go find Luna the girls ran into Fred and George, who were leaning against a wall wearing jackets that were too heavy for the season, no doubt they were hiding their snack boxes in there.

"Say girls…we've got a proposition for you…" Fred began.

"We've been thinking of selling Canibus, we feel it could be a lucrative business venture between Weasley Wizarding Wheezes and yourself, unless you can think of something better." George continued.

"Something equally pleasing, but far less lucrative." Fred finished.

"Do you want to fuck us or whore us out?" Coco asked.

"Neither one is an option." Oz said, "If you'd like to sell some weed for me you're more than welcome to move the shit on campus, of course I must review your business plan and I get sixty you get forty."

"How come? There are two of us, we should go half and half with this. You get fifty we get fifty." Fred said.

"Supply and demand, supply and demand Nigga, break it down for them Oz." Coco said.

"I'm sure people have heard we were holding, and then they will be jocking on our stash."Oz explained, "I supply the supply, without the weed why would they pay you? You're just like salesmen get it, you'll get a commession but I'll keep the perectage of the profits."

"You got the drugs we don't we get it." Fred said.

"We had to try," George said.

"You know." Fred finshed.

"Of course, draw up a business plan sumbit it, if you can convince Coco I would'nt worry about my answer."Oz walked on ahead of Coco.

"You will present to me why you think you can do well at this and not manage to fuck up and smoke all her weed. She might care about shortages on the cash but I coulda been smoking that!" Coco said.

"Go work on that and then get at me!" Coco said following Oz down the the hall.

"You know we will." Fred shouted.

On the way to find Hermione, Ron ran into Lavender Brown she was surrounded as usual by her cronies Cho, and Pansy, today Ginny joined their ranks.

Lavender whispered something to the others and they walked off giggling, Ron was trying to get the hell away before she spotted him but as usual Harry didn't understand that, he had to say hello to her.

"Hi Lav, what's been going on–" Harry began just before Lavender pushed him into the wall making a b-line for Ron who was now trapped between her and the wall.

Music began to play and Ron was praying he wouldn't burst into song he barely noticed Lavender carressing his chest and grinding her hips into his.

"_Boy you'll never find another love as good as this so you better represent cause my love is the shhh…" Lavander began to sing._

Much to his horror Ron found a stiring in his gut and he burst out singing, "_Girl you'll never find any other dick as good as this, but you didn't represent. My love is the shhh…"_

"_You keep telling me on the owl post how you got it going on and you used to keep me satisfied. Actions speak louder than words I'm going to see if you still have it for me…" _Lavender sang_, "I need somebody giving nothing but loving all through the night, someone who will break me off a little something when I need to be satisifed." _

Lavender and Ron both sang their choruses and Harry was looking confused and dismayed at Ron's voice and the song itself.

"_All the things I said to you they were true, I was all you ever needed. Good love is so hard to find and I didn't waste your time. Satisfication was guarenteed. I was the lover you needed to break you off in the middle of the night. I used to take trips down town I was the freak you needed in your life." _Ron said_._

"_My love was the shit now it's over with…" _Ron sang against Lavender's insistant begging for him to represent.

"You'll never find any other man like me, Lavender. I know that but you can't get this back." Ron said glad that the music had stopped, he grabbed Harry and pulled him along as they walked away.

"I can't believe… you've actually got a nice voice Ron…" Harry said as Ron drug him along.

"Let's not think of it. Please don't mention it to Oz and Coco." Ron said.

"I think they are going to hear anyway, the society of promiscurity heard the whole song. They do more gossiping then they do blow jobs." Harry explained.

"Should we try the Astronomy Tower first mate?" Ron asked

"No mate I doubt that she would really do that perhaps we should try the library first." Harry said

After a futile search of the library they headed towards the Gryffindor common room. They both sighed with releif when they saw Hermione folded up in an arm chair with her favorite book _Hogwarts a History_.

"Before you start cursing me Hermione just hear me out…" Ron started

Before Ron could get anymore out music began and Hermione stood up and looked him dead in the eyes and began to sing,

"_What I need from you is understanding, how can we communicate,  
If you don't hear what I say. What I need from you is understanding,  
So simple as 1-2-3, understanding is what we need.__"_

Oz and Coco had found Luna brooding alone in Oz and Luna's room.They walk into her singing an angry song.

"_I had no choice but to hear you, you stated your case time and again. I thought about it..You treat me like I'm a princess I'm not used to liking that .You ask how my day was…" _Luna sang.

"_You've already won me over in spite of me. Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet. Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are. I couldn't help it  
It's all your fault.__" _ Luna sang.

Oz shaking her head pulled out her pipe took a few hits off it before offering it to Coco. Taking it Coco hit it and the two girls passed the pipe back and forth until Luna finished her song then Oz stood and walked over to Luna.

"Smoke." Oz said and she put the pipe in Luna's hand. "Peer pressure and such."

Luna took a huge hit and began to cough up large amounts of smoke, she giggled and coughed before taking another hit. The second time she was met with much less resistance in her lungs.

She tried to hand it to the other two girls but they insisted that she finish the bowl. By the time she finished she was even more giggly and unsteady on her legs.

"Dragon came up to see me and I sent him away." Luna explained, "Hermione might be a total shrew but…"

"But he shouldn't talk to her like that and Ron shouldn't dump on her either!" Oz said getting angry over the Hermione situation all over again.

"She is a major bitch, but I still hope she didn't jump off the Astronmy Tower. Who else can I pay to do my homework if she offs herself?" Coco asked.

"That's mean, and there's always Harry he didn't do so bad last term from what I hear." Oz said.

"The sad thing is that I don't think I'd have to pay him. Not with money at least he'll probably just take a handy." Coco said.

"Ew, that's gross. You could at least tip the mother fucker, you can fuck him for free." Oz said.

"That means that I'd be paying him to do my homework and I'd still have to go down on him." Coco said.

"You love sucking dick just as much as I do so don't even lie." Luna leered at Coco.

"But I have to pay for it though…"Coco whined.

"Throw him a couple of bucks, he'd appreciate it." Oz said, "Now no more talk of paying Harry for sex."

When Hermione finally conculded her song, she looked at Ron with tears in her eyes.

"Hermione I'm sorry…" Ron whispered, "I know I haven't been the best friend to you lately."

"You've been a total arse." Harry said.

Ron glared at his friend, "Don't help me."

"He's right you have been an arse. But you haven't been there for me either Harry, since we got on the train you two have been sniffing around those two girls like horny dogs." Hermione said.

"We have not." Both boys responded indignantly.

"How many times have you talked to me not out of nessicity? When you're not asking yet another favor of me? When it's not just idle chit chat so you don't feel bad about yourselves for ingoring me completely?" Hermione asked.

Both boys looked down at the floor feeling equally guilty.

"We're both dicks, and we want to make it up to you." Ron began, "Next time we hang out we'll ask you to come okay?"

"I'd like that. But I'm really busy with school stuff right now…" Hermione said.

"That's the same excuse you used when I tried to get you to socicalize when I was seeing Lavender." Ron said.

"Ron please let's not." Hermione wiped away her tears.

"What if we found a nice guy you could spend time with too so you wouldn't feel left out?" Harry suggested.

"You are not setting me up again, last time I had to go out on a double date with Fred and George as my date, they kept trying to figure out which one of my breasts belonged to which of them and so on with my other body parts." Hermione said.

"I'm talking one guy. Just one bloke Hermione. Someone like Neville or maybe Lee Jordan." Ron said.

"I'm not interested in anyone right now…" Hermione said trying not to make eye contact with Ron.

"Just one date, I promise you'll have a great time." Ron said, "Plus you can get to know Oz and Coco."

"Why would I want to? I've already gotten my heart crushed as a direct result of them being here." Hermione said.

"Hermione, even if they were here do you think we'd really be together? Honestly? Have I ever made you believe that I wanted more than friendship with you?" Ron asked, "I see you as a sister and I love you like one."

"I feel the same way, we don't want you feel left out because of dates and lovers we're still going to be the Trio even when we're old and toothless." Harry said.

Hermione smiled, "In this vision of the future you have can I at least have dentures?"

"You can have all the falsies you want." Ron smirked.

"Ronald!" Hermione said now all out laughing.

"Does that mean you'll agree to the date?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Why not? It could be fun I guess." Hermione said, "We do have this weekend free from Prefect Duties, I was planning on studying but what the hell…"

"Beast." Harry said.

"Beast?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, we'll have to explain beast mode to you later. But right now it seems like you're studying and we could use some study time too. Do you mind if we sit in on your study session?" Ron asked, "We won't copy your answers or anything."

"Sure pull up a chair, and while you're at it tell me about this poor guy you setting me up with…" Hermione said.

"You've known him since first year, and that's all we've got to say about that…" Ron said.

"You're not paying him to do this or anything like that?" Hermione questioned.

"Nope, he's willing and he's got the hots for you…weren't you paying attention during DADA?" Ron asked.

"Yes the lecture was facinating." Hermione said.

"Nevermind, Mione nevermind." Ron smirked shaking his head.

"It isn't Zabini is it? Please don't let it be that creatin…" Hermione said.

"Bloody hell do you think we're trying to pawn you off on a pervert?" Ron asked, "He flashed my sister his wang. I nearly beat the living hell out of him when I heard about it, it took Crabbe and Goyle to pull me off that bastard."

Harry laughed, "Da Washa and Da Drya don't play no games. Actually if memory serves I think it was our favorite teacher Snape who got you away from Zabini he knocked you across the room with Stupefy, I know it sounds cooler if you say these big dudes pulled you off, but there's no need to lie to Hermione."

"Well, it felt like I'd been knocked across the room by them, I wanted to make myself feel better." Ron said pouting.

The trio picked up some books and began to study they quizzed each other until the dinner bell rang.

"Now that you've explained that to me now I think I might be able to teach Coco how to figure that out." Harry said.

"Good luck with that. I help mark the fifth year potions exams you're going to need all the luck you can get." Hermione said as they made their way out the portrait hole, other Gryffindors following them.

"Hi Hermione." Dennis Creevey a fourth year said passing them.

Hermione cringed and grabbed a hold of Ron's robes, "Please not the Creevey brothers I'll go out with Blaise just no Creevey's please."

"He's not a Creepey I promise. Stop worrying I think you'll like him." Ron said.

Luna, Coco and Oz were making their way into the Great Hall where a crumpled Draco was lying in front of the doors in the fetal position.

"Dragon!" Luna shouted running to his side.

Coco and Oz grabbed her and pulled her right over Draco and into the Great Hall. In the process Oz stepped on him and mewled in pain.

"Isn't it enough that I've been kicked in the balls, do you have to step on me when I'm down?" Draco asked.

"At least I didn't kick you. You should get some ice for those balls I don't think you have to worry about shrinkage. Better yet keep them swollen it might help your life out." Oz said as they continued into the hall.

"That was a classic burn, but why pray tell do you know so much about his package?" Coco asked.

"She walked in on us after our lovemaking and saw Draco in part of his glory, from the waist down you know." Luna explained, "She says he has a size problem but I think it's perfect."

"It was pale flaccid and tiny, how is it pleasurable? Do you think Ron is lacking in that department?" Oz asked, "If so I should prepare myself so I don't laugh at him. I've seen kids hung better than Draco."

Coco laughed loudly and they made their way over to the Gryffindor table where Ron, Harry, and Hermione were sitting.

"I see you talked her off the ledge." Coco said taking a seat next to Harry.

"Well, as you say you know how we do." Harry said smiling.

"Ron I want a simple yes or no answer from you. Do you have a little dick?" Oz asked.

Ron dropped his fork and just stared at her, "Um…"

"Well, what's your answer. It's simple yes you have a little dick or no you have man sized cock." Oz said.

"May I ask what has prompted this question? Did any of you by any chance see Draco naked?" Harry asked.

"I hate to ask this of you Sugar Dick but how would you know what Draco looks like naked?" Coco asked.

Harry started to answer but Oz interruppted him, "Ew…um I don't care first things first Ron do you have a small cock."

"I can show you if you'd like…" Ron suggested.

"Please not here theres enough meat on this table already." Coco said, "I don't know how to manage the sausage I've already got."

"Could you not squeeze my dick in public?" Harry asked.

"Again…gross…I just want a yes or no answer." Oz said.

"No…" Ron said his cheeks going a little pink.

"I wager twenty galleons he's lying." Hermione said shaking her head.

"I'll take that bet." Luna said.

"I'll take it too, twenty bucks though from me if I lose. I think he's telling the truth if he's lying I'll just clown him later." Oz said.

"How are we going to find out?" Coco asked.

All three girls were eyeing her.

"Nope, un uh hell no. I already know who's lost the bet do I gotta look at to prove it?" Coco asked.

"How could you possibly know that?" Hermione asked putting her napkin primly in her lap.

"My third eye is telling me the answer." Coco said.

"Just whip it out under the table and let Oz take a peek. No need being shy she's going to see it sooner or later." Harry shrugged.

"Nah, I'll suck that dick when I get to it. If I get to it." Oz said.

"Fine, fuck I'll look." Coco said.

Ron shruged and let himself out of his jeans. Harry covered his face with a napkin.

"Just as I already knew, this mother fucker is hung like a damn horse. Put that shit up I'm going to get nightmares thinking of that snake coming after me." Coco said.

Ron got even redder than before.

"Whoo whoo! I got some galleons for me!" Oz said.

"Pay up Granger." Luna said holding out her hand for money.

"Fine, ten a piece." Hermione said.

"Bitch you said twenty now pay me before I cut your ass." Oz said, "Don't play with my money it's like playing with my emotions, this ain't no game. If you wanna play games buy a Playstation bitch."

Hermione grungingly forked over forty galleons to Luna and Oz who were quite pleased with themselves.

"Is it over?" Harry asked peeping from behind the napkin.

"His dick has been put up for weeks. But I noticed this little conversation was very stimulating for Ron jr." Coco said.

"Well, it had to be hard for you to get the full effect." Ron said.

"Why is your dick hard in the Great Hall, you nasty." Oz said.

"I can't have people thinking I've got a little dick now can I?" Ron said.

"Now that we've put that rumor to rest I'm going to have a drama free meal without a sing along if you please." Hermione said.

"I concur." Coco said.

"Look I think Drew is talking to Snape about the musical, I wish I could hear better." Oz said turning everyone's attention to the staff table where Drew was talking to Snape.

"_I don't dance from HSM 2_"

Harry was laughing so hard when the song ended and Snape stormed out of the room he was crying, everyone else was in a state of shock from seeing Snape and Drew's battle royal dance off.

"I think my soul died," Coco said.

"I feel myself get lamer for having watched that." Neville said from down the table.

"When the fuck did you get here?" Oz said.

"I been here all the damn time." Neville said.

"You need to contribute in the conversations you might spark an interesting conversation with that special someone." Coco said winking at Neville and shooting a glance toward Hermione.

Neville blushed and looked down at his plate, "I'm more of a background guy, I'm not even a sidekick. I'm the dude that get's kicked in the side."

"Not for long, I already have concocted a plan to push you front and center. Especially when it comes to that certain someone you like." Harry said.

"Quit gossiping Harry, I swear you're worse than Coco." Ron grumbled, "That shit is supposed to be a surprise if they figure it out it won't be fun for me."

"What she's not even listening." Harry said.

"Whatever little plan you ladies have worked up in your feeble little minds isn't going to work if you keep blabbing about it like a bunch of teenage girls at a slumber party." Oz said, "You both need to man up."

Dinner was soon over and the Hogwarts Six were in the Room of Requirement. As usual the group were just sitting around talking amongst themselves. The girls all looked at each other Oz had a look of disgust on her face as the three girls burst into song.

"_Many say that I'm too young. To let you know just where I'm coming from. But you will see. It's just a matter of time. My love surely make you mine." _Luna sang.

"_Well, I'm living' in a world of ghetto life. Everyone is so uptight  
Nothing's wrong, it's alright, my man. I like the way we carry on  
His love will send me on and on, with my man  
People out there can understand."_ Oz sang.

"_I'm giving him something he can feel to let him know this love is real. _

_This love is real."_ All three girls sang.

"_So much joy for us it seems. So much hope for material things  
Are they only in my dreams? And that's why I'm singing this song to you  
To let you know that real dreams do come true. You tell me 'what does it mean'."_ Coco sang.


End file.
